Somewhat Better Now

This time last year, I was worried.  I had barely told anyone about my plans to go to graduate school.  I didn't know how I was going to apply, as it seemed that there was so much I wasn't able to do.  I felt alone and near hopeless.  Now, I am technically in grad school, just not the one I was planning on.  I still plan to apply to the type of program that I want, but plans are still up on the air.  My biggest challenge at the start of a new year is that I could soon be unemployed.  Yes, I am self-employed, so you can put two and two together to figure out what might be happening.  I don't want it to happen, but the decision might be out of my hands.  The problem is that I have hardly been the one in charge of buy own life.  Someone else has always been the one planning my life, leaving me aimless, not following any of my own dreams.  Now, just a month from my birthday, I feel like I have been left behind.  I am not sure what my next steps will be.  While I don't feel as helpless as I have been in the past, I need guidance.  Real guidance, from people I feel a connection to that I can fully trust.  So far, I don't know who this will be.  I feel alone at times, social media and online classes a poor substitute for actual interaction with real people in real situations.  Loneliness has plagued me my whole life, never being able to be around other people, always feeling an outsider, even when I am around others with the same likes, abilities and/or aptitudes.  When I was younger, I didn't have this problem.  However, as I have gotten older, this lack of social awareness had gotten worse.  Just the thought of having to spend days stuck at home again threatens to derail me.  Four years, I basically stayed at home, with almost no one to be around with.  No one tried to get in touch with me, or I brushed off the few who tried.  I felt clumsy, out of touch, embarrassed that I didn't really know what to do.  At least for the past eighteen years, I have had the opportunity to almost be around others, even if I didn't really do so.  Some have thought that I was shy or quiet.  It's just the opposite.  I just need to feel comfortable enough to be myself.  That's hard when I don't trust or connect immediately with those around me.   My naiveté about the world, from not being allowed to interact with large parts of it, has compromised me.  I have been kept too safe, instead of being allowed to live.  I am messed up, but not in a bad way, just a sad way.  I might have a seed of darkness, evil, shadowed within my soul, but it is a light one, but still I wonder what would have happened if I didn't have hope, the cornerstone of my personality.  Even at my lowest, I knew that someone was out there.  Maybe they didn't know it, but they were there for me, the possibility of another chance egging me on.  Thank you.  Onto the next challenge.  Tomorrow is on its way.

Baby, It's Christmas Outside

So, it is less than a week until Christmas.  The radio stations are playing more Christmas songs by the hour, making it difficult to listen to anything else.  The last drifts of snow from last week's storm are still hanging on, only because some people think it is better to pile it up right next to my parking spot than spreading it out so it can melt faster. The next round of gifts and extra decorations for the store has just begun, including the invites to parties.  None of which I am expecting to go to.  I just don't really feel like celebrating.  In fact, I almost titled this post "It's the Negative Sixth Day of Christmas" just to add my usual layer of snark.  For some reason, I don't feel the "holiday spirit" in any form.  I am catching up on all the books I had been putting off due to the thirteen books, half dozen or more short stories, and hundreds of poems I had to read for my classes.  This doesn't include the extracts, reports, and other non-fiction I had to read in preparation for my classwork.  (By the way, I got one 'A' and all the rest 'B's.'). I am just glad that I am not taking any literature classes next term.  I will be writing more than reading.  I hope.  Then there is the big thing I had been dreading that I won't talk about until later.  I just have so much to catch up on, as well as everything else that is starting to pile up.  New books and magazines, a third puzzle book that I need to start, not to mention work-related issues that pop up at the end of the year.  At least I will have a week off from comic books, although that isn't exactly the kind of thing I would want to happen.  I have been unable to watch many of the Christmas themed specials that I would normally watch.  The usual year-end big news stories that surprise everyone have started popping up earlier than I expected.  I could bring up the 'controversy' over the Christmas song that I hint at in my post title, but let's get real.  It is an award-winning song from a movie called Neptune's Daughter.  The film is in no way Christmas related.  The original scene had Ricardo Montalban 'singing' to Esther Williams for goodness sakes.  How it even became a Christmas classic is beyond me.  I am overwhelmed with Christmas goodies; there was a mistake in ordering, and they all showed up at once instead of being reasonably parsed out.  Sorry for rambling, but I am just too overwhelmed with stuff to write clearly.  This will mark the first week around Christmas that I will actually not have to take a week off, since I got my MacBook.  Anyway, this means I will be able to have a post next week, instead of having to schedule beforehand or skip the week.  Guess this means I have to write "See you next week," and really mean it.  Oh, and
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

It's the Year-end Countdowns

It is that time of year again, the time for many people to come up with their "best of" lists for the end of the year.  I don't always fall into this sort of thing, with one exception.  I have been following the Billboard charts for decades.  Normally, it is just the weekly top-ten, but the year-end lists have been a great favorite of mine.  I even try to calculate the top songs of the year based on my own interpretations on what I have seen in the weekly lists.  This year, there is only one thing I am absolutely certain of, the "Meant to Be" by Bebe Rexha and Florida-Georgia Line will be the number one country song of the year.  Literally, it was the number one song for almost the entire year on the country chart.  About fifty weeks!  I have never seen such dominance.  As for the regular Hot 100 chart, things are not as surefire.  I can guarantee that Drake will have at least two songs in the top ten, but beyond that I cannot be sure.  There is a really good chance that one of his three number ones from this year will end up as the top song of the year, but it is not a lock.  See, it all is based on how the chart is tabulated.  When I was younger, the charts were determined solely on two components--physical sales and radio airplay.  Now, there are a some digital components as well, including downloads, streams, shares, and video airplay.  While are can skew the tabulations, the last one can really mess things up.  A song can preview an official video and have it played thousands of times before it even gets into heavy rotation on radio stations.  Add sharing and multiple downloads, and a song can debut at number one and stay there a month before radio airplay catches up.  That happened with Drake's songs this year.  They debuted high and stayed there, but I barely heard them on my regular top 40 radio stations.  Then, the songs slowly dropped.  For year-end charts, weekly totals are added up, with points given to a song for each week that they stay at a position, with more points given to higher charting songs.  This means that a song that takes longer to hit its peak and then stays there for awhile, could out-perform a higher charting song that debuted there, but quickly fell once it left.  This means a song like "Girls Like You" by Maroon 5 with Cardi B, could take the year-end number one, or even a lower charting song like "Meant to Be."  I won't be calculating my totals until next week, but if I turn out to be right, you heard it here first.

It's the Finals Countdown

By this time next week, I should have completed everything for my first semester of graduate school, unless something truly unexpected comes up.  In the past four months, I have had to read over a dozen novels (okay, one might technically be called a novella), about half-a-dozen short stories, and well over one hundred poems.  This doesn't include the lecture materials, articles, extracts, and non-fiction books I had to read to complete all of my assignments.  During this same period, I think I have only read one novel for my own pleasure, and I sped through so fast that I may have skipped some of the more boring parts.  There are at least three books I have been waiting to read, but I haven't had the time to spare, not with all of the required reading, assignments, and the other things I do to pass the time.  I have a backlog of over two weeks of puzzles I have been wanting to solve, but I just didn't have the time or enthusiasm to do so.  Tonight, I will probably take a short test about my researching knowledge, before tackling the big tasks.  I have the first of three theses due this Friday, with the other two next week.  I will also have to tackle my lone (hopefully, the other syllabi didn't mention anything) final test, as long as I can find a three hour block at a location with strong steady wifi to take it.  Strangely enough, the wifi at my store is horrid, at times.  It can take over five minutes just to load Facebook, with another ten minutes or more to start a game.  At home, I really don't have a three hour block that I can take a test comfortably, unless I cut out something minor, like eating or sleeping or cleaning up.  If the test were available on the weekend, I wouldn't have this problem, but it will only be online from Monday through Wednesday.  I am still trying to figure out how to do everything.  At least next semester will be better.  I am currently only taking two classes, one on syntax and an advanced writer's workshop.  None of the other classes even halfway feel suitable.  So, I will go back to writing theses soon. Checking online sources.  Confirming facts.  You know, all that fun type of stuff.  To be honest, I actually like doing that sort of thing, sometimes.  May the blogcast be with you.  I will try to make that a real word, and soon.

But Sir, Where Are Your Pants

Yesterday, I took a day off of work and went on a short trip to Lexington,  Excuse me for not telling anyone.  I found out where I would be going to take my GRE.  It is located in the corner of a strip mall.  I would have thought it would be somewhat larger.  I saw more turkeys than I could shake a stick at.  Literally, I would have needed a stick to chase them all off.  One field had over three dozen! That is too many turkeys, even fo this time of year.  I also did a little shopping.  I found a few shirts, but what I really looking for was some pants.  For some reason, I keep having problems with my trousers, and they need more updating than I would like.  While I did find some I liked, they all had a problem.  Their stretchy waists made it so that they wouldn't fit.  Now, by some miracle, I have managed to keep a 34 waist, possibly a little less, with diet and exercise.  The picture shows that while I am no cover model, I am not that bad either.
So, I tried on a pair that were on sale.  While the tag said they were the right size, the stretch made them just a little to loose.  Even with a belt, it would have been uncomfortable wearing them, due to other features that I really didn't like.  I went to another store and found some other pants on sale.  These were actually in a better color and with a better discount.  However, the first pair I tried on were way too big.  I couldn't wear them even with a belt.  These weren't supposed to have as much give, but they did.  I even tried a smaller size, a 32.  These were still too loose.  I could take them off without unbuttoning them!  I might have been able to wear them with a belt, but it was still too much.  I couldn't try anything else on, as I was too despondent.  There are a few brands I like, but this was the first time I ever encountered not being able to wear anything that I found.  Why two pants have to be so stretchy nowadays.  Are other men so not wanting to admit that they are a larger size that they are getting a smaller size?  I would rather get something correctly labeled that fit than getting something "labeled" as my size that wasn't and didn't suit me.  Although, with Thanksgiving coming up . . .

Something Not to Marvel at

Earlier this week, I heard the news about the death of longtime Marvel comic book creator Stan Lee's death.  I almost couldn't believe the level of coverage it received.  It was a headliner event on the news.  Much higher than other famous people.  Most celebrities were lucky if they  got in after the first commercial.  Lee's death mad the first segment.  Sure, he helped create the intellectual properties that became a multi-billion dollar film franchise.  That still does no qualify his death to be a featured news story.  I was quite surprised that it garnered so much coverage.  I am still amazed, not sure why. There have been other famous people whose deaths didn't warrant so much.  I don't mean for this to be sour grapes, not really.  It is just that I have never liked Marvel comics.  There, I've said it.  For some reason, I just never really got into them.  I've always been a DC or Disney fan.  Marvel characters just didn't appeal to me.  I have purchased less than a dozen Marvel super hero comics over the decades.  By comparison, I get over a dozen DC comics every month, and usually one or two Disneys as well.  Maybe another one or so every few months.  I haven't bought a Marvel comic in a very long time.  Sure, I glance at a few every now and then, but I don't buy them.  I only look at them so that I now what's going on, just in case I need to strike up a conversation with someone.  I wouldn't want to seem a complete idiot, since Marvel is so popular.  While I must admit some of the stories seem interesting, I just don't feel u[p to actually buying any of them.   Yes, I know that Lee wrote some stories for DC, his take on some iconic characters for a special event.  Those stories are now part of a special world in the DC multiverse; it has been conformed, somewhere.  Just this morning, I heard a news story from his daughter, that Lee had been working on a new character, just this past weekend, 'Dirt Man.'  I have no idea what publisher, if any, this work was for, but I am not sure how good an idea or how much of it had been developed.  Anyway, I know many people loved the man and what he helped bring into this world.  He will be missed.

That's What Friend Requests Are For

So, I get online this morning, and I discover that today, the day I am writing and posting this, mark my two year anniversary on Facebook.  In all honesty, I only joined it as a means for trying to drum up business for my store, Booknotes.  It hasn't helped that much, and I might to be needing it for too much longer, but that is a tale for another day.  It took me almost three months, give or take, to look for friends, but I finally reconnected with so many people that I had missed for so long.  It sometimes left me in an emotional mess, realizing just how much I had missed out on, but I eventually balanced everything out.  I rejected a few requests I should have kept.  I began playing way too many games, especially all the iterations of Candy Crush Saga.  I just won my second week in a row on the "Popsicle Planet" promotion.  Lately, I have been getting some strange, random friend requests.  In the past two weeks or so, I got two requests from random women, complete strangers.  They weren't connected to any of my friends, so I have no idea how they found me.  When I clicked on their pages, one had a close-up of her chest in a very tight top, while the other had her rear end suggestively pointed towards the camera, again in very revealing clothing.  Now, while I admit that I am single and technically looking and available, I really don't think I would want to meet a random stranger in this way, especially since I don't really know how to date.  (If anyone wants to teach me, I would be an eager apprentice/wingman.) Things got weirder this weekend.  Saturday morning, I played a quick match of Golf Clash against someone from Asia.  This is only a guess, as he had a cartoon character in his photo and his name used characters I couldn't read.  It may have been Korean.  He made a huge mistake, and he had to forfeit, right while I was putting for the win because there was no way he could catch up.  That night, I got a friend request from him.  At least, it could have been him.  I didn't look too closely at the pic and name at the time, but it was another person from Asia, so it could have been him.  Just yesterday, I got a request from a person whose only friends were business pages, no humans.  He seemed to be some sort of game company entity, if not an actual corporate member.  It almost goes without saying, but I rejected each of these requests.  Each of them seemed just a tad off, in one way or another.  I might not be the best at social media, but even I could tell that this might not be fully authentic.  Anyway, I am thinking about starting a new wave of friend requests only own.  There have been a few people I was thinking about asking, and this seems about the right time to do so.

My World Is a Vampire

About a day after I wrote my last post, I got a copy of Vampire:  the Masquerade, fifth edition, from my local game/comic book store Page 3's Game Zone.  Late on that day, I found out that I could have gotten it from at least one of my book distributors, even though it wasn't available the last time I had checked.  Never mind.   The point is I finally had a new book in almost ten years.  (I did purchase some replacement books, as well as one older one that I missed out on when it first came out.). I had heard some doubters say that they didn't like many of the changes, but I am keeping an open mind.  I haven't had enough time to fully read it, schoolwork and all, but here are some of my first thoughts.  The cover is predominantly purple, with a woman dominant.  The green marble from the original is there, but you have to search for it.  In fact, almost all the pictures are in color, and I do mean pictures.  Actual photos are used in place.  The art style is more to date, but something seems missing, even if it meshes well with the setting.  Most of the metaplot and backstory have been kept, with the much needed updates.  Nothing too outlandish, and it makes perfect sense.  The setting is about the same, as are the general rules.  You can only choose from the original seven clans, although most of the other thirteen are mentioned, if not prominently.  The big changes are in character creation, systems, and rules.  Character creation has been simplified; it is actually based on making rounder characters from the start, instead of having to be forced to go back to add later on.  Some plot details make things confusing, especially the retooling of clan weaknesses into banes.  You are also only allowed two sects, the Camirilla and the Anarchs, at the start.  Others are hinted at, but not yet available.  Many of the systems have been streamlined, but a few have been added.  Damage is simpler, but can now apply to mental concerns as well as physical.  The biggest change is to disciplines, vampiric powers.  Now, you can have have as many powers at each level as you want, per  Vampire: the Requiem.  However, you are limited to one power per level in a discipline, meaning you would be forgoing a higher power by getting multiple lower ones.  Blood sorcery is changed as well.  The paths are forgotten, it seems, but rituals are easier.  There are even new dice and special rules for some of the new ones.   Some of the storytelling advice needs to be made clearer, as well as some of the antagonists, many of the more supernatural ones are even vaguer than they were in earlier editions.  Overall, I will need a good long reading before making any final verdicts, including downloading the free pdf version and errata.  (I'm waiting until after I upgrade to Mohave OS this week, just to make sure I won't lose it.). I will probably wait until the first supplements, on each of the first two sects, to see if there are any more surprises before starting anything.  Be back for updates.  Happy Halloween!!

V Is for Vampire, and Five

A few months ago, the latest edition of a role-playing game I like came out.  I haven't mentioned it until now, because I have yet to get my hands on more than a brief preview.  That game is Vampire:  the Masquerade.  I have been a fan of it since the mid-90's, although I haven't actually played it with others.  It was originally produced by White Wolf, before the studio decided to end all of their game lines based in the horror genre (known as the World of Darkness).  They then re-started a new line of horror games, ultimately called Chronicles of Darkness, but at the time was just called World of Darkness 2.0.  Then, White Wolf got bought out by a video game company from Iceland, who later sold the rights to another video game company, possibly from Sweden.  White Wolf became a print-on-demand production, so I was left out on new products for years, barely keeping up with new product.  One of the reasons I opened a book store was to make sure I could get my game products without having to hope that my local game store remembered to get it in.  White Wolf later dissolved as a separate entity, but the game line continued with a secondary company, Onyx Path Publishing, gaining the rights to continue to publish new material based on the intellectual properties.  The company was started with many of the original developers, so they knew what they were doing.  They ultimately brought back the original World of Darkness in 20th anniversary editions, including new and updated books.  Still, I was unable to purchase them.  It is hard to get things when you don't have modern banking options.  Anyway, about a year ago, the Swedish game studio announced that they were producing a new edition of the World of Darkness games, starting with Vampire.  The task would be performed with a new subsidiary called White Wolf.  The production would all be in house, with a new set or writers and artists, as well as updating many of the old rules.  Much of the olde meta-fiction and background info would be kept, but new twists would be added, to update the styled and plot lines.  Onyx Path would be involved in the production of new product as a third party developer, but they would not have any final say.  Strangely enough, the new edition would be available through certain retailers, but I have yet been able to access them through any of my distributors.  Much of the sales are still online only, but I am hoping to get my hands on something soon.  You know, at one point, I wanted to be a writer for these games.  Part of me still would enjoy it, although with the company now controlled in Europe, there is less of a chance.

Same Old Games, Brand New Rules

Lately, I have been so busy with work and school, that I haven't been working puzzles and playing games as much as I used to.  I am about a week or two behind schedule in finishing up some of my puzzle magazines.  I haven't even been able to solve a contest that is due in by the end of the month.  I actually had to delete some of my games apps, and I might have to drop a few more, just to keep playing my favorites, but only for an hour or so combined most days.  Unfortunately, some of my games have made changes that have made them less fun to play.  Take Candy Crush Saga.  A few weeks ago, I was playing a quick round or two, when I realized that the winning streak bonus wasn't coming up.  With that bonus, I had been able to work some levels out with just one move.  Now, I have had to take days and multiple tries to solve a level, if I don't want to use up all of my boosters.  Apparently, the producers removed the feature from the Facebook version of the games, but not from the mobile or PC versions.  Since I only have a Mac, I am out of luck getting to play the game the way I used to.  Strangely enough, other features weren't effected, even as others that didn't give me any problems were.  A few minor features also went, but I didn't mind them as much.  I wouldn't be complaining, but just before the feature went, it looked like they were changing the motif from spaceships and hats to robots.  There is even a new game in the series, Candy Crush Friends Saga, but it is so far only available for mobile and PC, not Facebook or Mac, so I am out of luck there, too. Another game that has changed is Golf Crush.  They added the feature of clans, groups of up to fifty who compete against other groups, and receiving in game bonuses for winning as a group.  Along with this new quirk, the pairing algorithm for match-ups changed.  The game now made sure to pair up competitors based on best performance, and to current performance.  This meant that someone on a losing streak could continue to face better opponents that were harder to beat.  When the change occurred, I had 698 trophies.  Now, I have 390.  I spent almost all of my in game resources to try and keep up, but I am still losing well more than winning.  I am so afraid that I will be kicked out of my clan, Kentucky BBN who is currently at the top of our division, that I spent currency I didn't have to enter a tournament, as a means of showing that I am qualified to be there.  So far, I haven't been able to advance.  If I don't, I don't know what will happen.  I doubt any other clan will take me in, with my recent record.  I lucked out getting this clan.  I love the feeling of being on a winning team.  I just think I won't be there much longer.

Plus, Make That Minus One

News recently cam out that Google will soon be discontinuing its social media platform, Google +.  I never really got into the platform, as it was my first foray into social media.  It was 2016, and I finally got my own email account.  Technically, I was using one set up for my store, but I didn't think twice about using it for my own.  One of the benefits I had was being on Google +.  I barely realized it was there.  Since I didn't own a computer at the time, I only checked ion on the site about once a week or so, at most.  Sure, I set up some collections, but I didn't really know what I was doing.  It wasn't until I joined Facebook, that I tried out what was available on Google +.  I tried looking up some people I know on it, but I came up blank.  I just knew some of them had to have a Gmail account as well, but they apparently didn't try to explore the site.  Even after I got a computer, I still found myself forgetting about checking in on Google +.  It was just another app connected to my email.  To be honest, I barely checked out any of the other apps in the Google family either.  I only started checking out and posting on YouTube in the past two months.  Now, Google will be phasing out its service.  It could be it part to a data hacking incident, but no one could be quite sure about all the reasons.  When I first realized the potential for social media, a few months after I was with Google, I tried to find resources to help me and my business get a leg up on social media.  Unfortunately, there wasn't much out there.  What little there was, I found to be just out-of-date for my best uses.  I am still on other social media, as well as my store for as long as it exists, but who can tell how much longer some of these things will last.  I was just starting to get more out of something, I now I won't be able to.

As the Wheel Turns

I recently caught an article about how a certain online streaming service, which I refuse to name for various reasons, is thinking about adapting one of my favorite high fantasy book series. That series is Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time."  For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, Jordan's series is set in a world that was devastated by an unbelievable war and its fallout.  Now, hundreds, if not thousands of years later, the enemy is returning to finish the job.  Three young men from a small village are the subject to a prophecy that will save the world, or possibly destroy it if things go wrong.  Together, with a very large cast of supporting characters, they will try to save the world.  Jordan was only able to finish the first eleven books of the series, plus a prequel and other background information, before he died.  His widow and publisher chose Brandon Sanderson to finish the final book of the series, based on notes and some scenes he had written before he died.  That final book was so large, that it wound up being split into three books.  For comparison, think of it as a PG-13 version of Game of Thrones, with that show being a hard R or M.  There would be much less sex and nudity.  There's only three or four scenes in the entire series, and all of it is consensual.  There's is  a lot of warfare and death, but most of it is not too violent.  There is a lot more magic, as most of the main cast and the antagonists can use a from it.  There are creatures that 'look' like dragons, but they are called something else.  There are over two dozen main cast members, some of whom don't even appear until halfway through the series. Many of the villains show up in multiple guises, as the main enemy can reincarnate its soldiers on occasion.  I had been thinking that this would make a great show, although it would have to last at least ten years to get through all of the material.  The actual plot takes place a little over two years worth of actual time, although I might be misremembering it.  It has been a few years since I have read any of the books.  While Game of Thrones reduced the number of lead characters,  I don't see how anyone could easily do so here.  There's just too many of them, many whose importance isn't revealed for a two or more books in.  There's also the fact that a race of giants (around nine feet or so) and sentient wolves (at least in a dream realm) both have major parts to play.  I hope they do the series the justice it deserves, but I fear it might be too much of a job to take on.

i like cumming(s)

One of my favorite writers is E. E. Cummings.  Yes, I know he preferred to write his name without capitalization or periods, at times, but spell check gets all antsy if I don't follow the rules.  Just getting the title the way I wanted it took three tries.  Anyway, I first got introduced to Cummings in grade school.  After all this time, I can't really remember which of his poems I read first, only that I liked some of the things I saw.  He was known for being somewhat unconventional in his grammar.  He also had a playfulness that sparked of immaturity.  I would learn, much later, about some of his more risqué works.  I won't go into that part of his work here.  Let's just say in goes into territory beyond the normal parameters of this blog.  Some of his works could become what is now called 'snarky,' but his points were brought out perfectly.  He also wrote plays, including one called Santa Claus.  He also wrote some autobiographical works, the most famous one based on his times during World War I.  I am bringing all of this up because he is the subject of my thesis paper for one of my classes.  A first draft of it is due this weekend.  I have been trying to find out enough to start the paper, but I have hit some snags.  The primary one being I need mostly recent works to cite in my report, but I can't seem to find that much.  Most of the books I have found are way outside the time limit.  I will be doing internet searches next, but I don't have many ideas about where to look, at least for information I can trust.  A few last things.  Let me apologize for the title/permalink.  I can get playful and snarky myself.  Also, I was too busy yesterday to start the next chapter installment of my book, so look for a new one next week.  Until then, bye!😀

Finding the Time for It All

I recently got the newest issue of Games World of Puzzles magazine.  While I have read the articles and started on the puzzles, I have yet to try and solve the contest, even though it is one of my favorite types.  My schoolwork is just taking up way more time than I thought it would.  During my undergraduate days, I don't remember having this much of a problem in scheduling my time so.  On the other hand, graduate school level work is supposed to be at least a little harder.  In my defense, I only took four classes my last semester.  Two of them were studio art classes, so they had almost no homework.  A third class was a low level core requirement; it also had little extra work.  Even my fourth class was an overview of modern short stories.  Not that much work there either.  This semester has me reading thirteen novels (eight by Herman Melville, and all but one is maritime) and various shorter works of fiction, poetry, and essay.  Let's not forget online discussions, which I am totally unfamiliar with.  Anyway, here's the lowdown on the contest.  It is another Coded Crisscross puzzle.  The puzzle is a grid of interlocking words, but not to the degree of a crossword.  Each letter is replaced by a number.  The object of the contest is to determine what the thirteen words are, and then send in what they have in common.  The thirteen words are an entire set belonging to one category, which has no other members.  I usually start solving it by writing down the clues in a separate list so I can try many different possibilities out without damaging the magazine.  I then do a frequency chart, counting out many of each number there are.  The most frequent one are usually the most used letter, namely 'E', 'T', and 'A'.  The next step is for me to try out some of these letters in the clue words and see if any patterns emerge.  I have yet to perform this next step.  It would only take me an hour or two, at most if I am lucky, to do this.  I have yet to start, because I just don't feel that I have the time, with all the other non-school related work I'm also doing.  This is one reason why these posts are so much shorter lately.  Anyway, I hope to find the time soon.

You CAN See Me Now

Well, I went and did it.  I started a YouTube channel.  I probably shouldn't have, but I did.  So far, I have only posted one video, but it just takes so long to do so.  The wi-fi last the store is so bad at times, that it can take over half-an-hour to upload one short video.  At home, it takes about half as long.  This is a huge difference for me.  I hate having to waste time just waiting for something to upload.  I wanted to do this weeks ago, but this time lag prevented me from doing it until this week.  I don't have anything personalized yet, but for some reason, I was allowed to cross post it across social media.  I am not sure how that worked out, but it has made some things easier.  I will  now try to include the link on the store's again.  It is a bunch of randomly generated characters that don't mean anything.  Still, it is mine.  It will take a few more days to upload the rest of the videos, but things will go much faster now that the process is cleared.  The link is here https://youtu.be/RRraYThRjqU .  I am kind of scared to do this, but I feel the need to expand my web presence.  One last thing, I noticed that the URL is for Belgium.  I have no idea why they chose to have the program registered here, beyond the obvious nature of the extension.  That's all for now.  Check out more next week.

Random Thoughts from a Long Weekend

I actually did quite a few things over the recent three day weekend, especially after leaving work on Saturday.  I watch a stream of a Dave Matthews Band concert Saturday night.  Unfortunately, it was on the west coast, so it wasn't scheduled to start until 11:00 pm, and it started about twenty minutes late.  Anyway, it was just about the first live concert I saw.  Too bad the first two songs weren't favorites.  They were the only ones I got to hear before I went to bed.  Not to sleep, as a light got turned on outside, before I went to sleep.  I don't think I actually fell asleep until about the time the one song I would have actually wanted to hear was performed as the last song in the encore.  On Sunday, I did work for all of my classes, including my first big project.  Along the way, I took a few breaks, watching PGA and NASCAR.  I also played a few games on the computer.  Predominately Candy Crush Saga.  I think I may have finally won the weekend event.  I was in second place or so the last two weekends.  I was actually leading by more than 2,000 points with less than eleven hours to go.  I don't know how I did, yet, but I expect results soon if I won.  On Monday morning, I finally took an online practice GRE test.  I really should have done this sooner, especially since I need to take the actual one in the next month or two.  I did better than the minimum needed for one of my target schools, but not as good as I did on the physical tests that came with the study guide.  It was my first time with an online test.  I did a few other minor things over the weekend:  a quick workout session, a few puzzles, more homework.  I just hope I summited my projects correctly. I think I turned it in correctly, but I still have some doubts about how it was sent.  As a final thought, I recent commercial took aim at the original debut of Crystal Pepsi back in the 90s.  I must say this, it is my second favorite soda of all time.  I used to drink it by the carton, even after the recipe was tweeted. I was overjoyed went Pepsi brought it back for limited runs a few years ago.  Although I don't drink soda as much as I used to, I still love this unique flavor.  Not really citrus, but not really Pepsi either.  As to my favorite soft drink of all time, it has to be cherry-vanilla Dr. Pepper.  While the product is supposedly still being made, I haven't seen it in any store in a 200 mile radius Inver five years.  The only time I have had it is as a fountain drink at Dairy Queen, and that might not be the actual flavor.  If I could just find it again, but I know it should be out there somewhere.

Well, This Is Socially Awkward

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to go to an event, but I ultimately chose not to.  I had the money.  I could have found parking.  I just didn't go, mostly because I didn't know what to dunce there.  I said to myself that I was too busy, which I kind of was, but I still could have found enough time to attend for a short time.  The thing is, I have never been allowed to go anywhere.  When I was growing up, I was all but forbidden to go anywhere by myself.  That is the main reason why I liked school so much.  It was just about the only place I was allowed to by myself.  My mom didn't like going anywhere, like the movies or a concert, especially if we had to drive a long distance or pay too much money.  I was pretty much stuck at home, doing nothing.  I was hoping college would change that, but it didn't.  I had the misfortune of staying at home for college, with a 4:00 pm curfew.  Even if there had been something I would have liked to see, I wouldn't have been able to go.  I even had to miss a mandatory class assignment, because I wasn't able to go to the school.  I might have been able to do something over the years, but without anyone telling me what to do, I was too afraid to go it alone.  One of my biggest wishes during those lonely four years after college (technically it still is) was for someone to remember me and take me away somewhere, showing me just how to be more sociable.  Now, I constantly regret never learning how to go out on my own.  I have never been anywhere, and I am too scared that I won't fit in, even if I tried.  It is one of the main reasons why I wanted to go back to college.  School is one of the few places where I know I can fit in.  Sure, it would be with people who were mostly half my age or so, but I would fit.  (The only other place where I feel totally in control is shopping, by the way.). Unfortunately, online classes just don't have the right social interaction that I am craving.  I shouldn't have caved in to my mother's demands again.  I should have trusted my instincts and enrolled in some undergrad classes instead, even if it would mean moving to the school.  Now, I worry about messing up my plans because I am not easily fitting in for online material.  The stupid thing is that I am not shy.  I still have dreams of acting or performing in other ways.  I just don't know how to act with others.  It has been a hard time without having very close friends for almost thirty years.

Not Open to Discussion

I knew that I would be facing some problems when I started grad school.  I would need to remember all that I had forgotten from college.  I would need to find out what I didn't learn in college that I should have.  I would need to find out what had changed or altered since I was in school.  That wouldn't be too hard.  I would need to brush up on my computer skills, especially learning how to operate the online classes platform, Blackboard.  For some reason, I don't find the controls that intuitive.  My computer is not interacting with it the way it does with other programs and websites.  For instance, the spellcheck function doesn't work on any of the messages I type within it.  Things might be easier if all the professors had a uniform style, but each one does things slightly different.  The hardest thing is the discussion boards.  I am somewhat insular.  I am more of a listener, staying in the background of conversations, until the right moment.   This is especially true in new situations and people.  It can take me weeks or more until I feel familiar and comfortable enough to join in.  Until then, I usually only respond when asked directly or when I feel confident about my answer or opinion.  I can't do that here, as the discussions boards are mandatory participation.  While I can respond to assignment prompts readily enough, it is awkward for me to read and then comment on the work of others.  I am just not used to this sort of thing.  I can post my feelings on social media, like this, because there is a layer of anonymity.  I can't be sure anyone reads this.  If they do, no one has ever commented.  At least I haven't read any of them, if they have.  This sort of direct communication is foreign to me.  It is bugging me out.  I am afraid I am not doing enough for it to count towards my grades.  I could just miss out on having a good grade because of my social anxiety. I wish I could do more, but I just not in the habit of talking to people, having not had too many people to talk to for so many decades.

B.M.O.C.(Big Man on a Computer)

I didn't really know what to expect when I started my classes for graduate school.  I thought I would have one, maybe two, video lectures per week.  The professor would announce an assignment, either reading or written; and I would be given a few days to complete it.  I would have almost no interactive with my fellow classmates.  There would be no need to, as everyone would be on a different schedule.  Feedback would be minimal.  I would be told exactly what to expect, and to go about finding it.  I am mostly wrong.  There are no lectures.  In fact, what presentations I have been given are not lecture at all.  I am basically given an assignment, and then I must figure out what I must learn on my own.   Also, I have to give direct feedback to the class.  The professor and other students can then critique and inform based on what I post.  Such posts to the 'discussion board' are an important part of the overall grade.  Such assignments will be given out on at least a weekly basis. The major assignments are going to be longer than I thought they would be, although it could just be because I haven't written longer form projects as much lately.  I am unsure about exactly what I should be doing, and this is only the first week of classes.  I don't know if this is the way grad school classes are normally taught, or if this is just a hallmark of online classes in general.  It could also be that the way teaching is done nowadays, almost twenty-five years after the last time I was in school.  I need more structure than I am being given.  If you tell me exactly what to look for and what I should learn,  I can do it.  If you give me  total freedom, I frequently mess up, as I find it hard to concentrate on just one thing.   Sometimes, though, this freedom can allow me to accomplish more than I thought possible.  This partial freedom in learning conflicts with my nature.  I am a listener, not that much an initiator.   I am uncomfortable and unfamiliar with how things are being done.  It takes me awhile to feel comfortable around new situations and people.  I can't connect with these total strangers online in the meaningful that I need to so I can do my best.  I'ver been worried sick and sleepless about trying to figure out to  tailor my style with that of my classes, and it is taking way longer than I have.  I should have only taken three classes, or perhaps two, instead of the four my mother forced on me.  It is impossible at times to go against her.  She can get so mad.  I should have gone withy instincts, anyway.  I am limiting myself to no more than twenty minutes at a time on this blog, to make more time for my classwork.  So, until next week.

The Cascade Effect

Have you ever found yourself facing an obstacle, with little hope of overcoming it, when all of a sudden, a breakthrough happens, leading to even more successes?  I call this "the cascade effect."  I define "cascade" as "the moment when facing a difficult part of a puzzle or game, when a breakthrough occurs, leading to more progress and/or completion of said puzzle or game."  I have also extended this into real life events.  I developed this term many years ago.  I was trying to solve a type of puzzle I wasn't that familiar with.  It was part of a series of interconnected puzzles that lead to an overall solution.  I couldn't skip it, but I did't want to look at the answers either.  It was a grid where all the words were down clues, with some overlapping of the answers.  There was just no way for me to get ahead, until I figured out an answer.  This led to more answers and, ultimately, the puzzle and the overall solution.  The puzzle was called something like 'waterfalls", so cascade seemed like a good term for what happened.  I have since used the term for other tricky moments while solving puzzles or trying to win a game.  I also find it useful in real life situations.  For example, I recently got into an online graduate school program.  I had to wait until I could pay my tuition before getting all eighteen books I needed for my classes (thirteen novels and five textbooks).  There was no easy way I could order all of them through my university bookstore.  It would put have been too much.  Fortunately, I have other options,  I am on very good terms with two local library systems (I have been a patron of one of them since I was five or so).  I have been able to set up a way to check out most of my novels through them, without having to overly worry about being overdue.  It is also fortunate that I currently own a bookstore of my own.  Through my two primary distributors, I am able to order one of my textbooks, as wells some more of my novels, at a lower cost to me.  That still left a few books, noticeably most of my textbooks.  I am going through a different, closer university bookstore for three books.  It will be easier to re-sell them this way.  That left one novel and two textbooks that I am ordering through my own university's bookstore.  Both of the textbooks are hard to get (one is out-of-print in preparation for a new edition), and the remaining novel is difficult to find, as well.  Ultimately, I should have access to all my books before classes start next Monday.  At least that is the plan.  Delivery schedules might make some things hard, but I should be able to manage. Here's hoping I haven't made any mistakes.

I Would Prefer Not to Not to

I am writing this post on the anniversary of the birth of Herman Melville.  The title of this post is a take on a quote from one of his most famous stories "Bartleby".  I know this because I currently own book store, Booknotes.  The store usually tries to promote an author on their birthday or, in Melville's case, the anniversary of their birth. It is somewhat of a  coincidence that I will be starting an online class of Melville in just under two weeks.  I am still getting all of the books I need for all of my classes.  It should be easy, considering I own a bookstore, but it isn't going that way.   It is taking longer than usual to get the minimum number of books for an order.  One of the books is out of print. It is probably due to the fact that a new edition will be coming out in the fall.  Why not just schedule the class for when the book is more available?  I don't know.  I am only taking that particular class because I wanted at least one where writing was the main focus, as opposed to reading analysis.  I would much rather be doing creative writing, not the technical writing, which is the focus of that class.  Sure, the lessons would be useful if I ever got a teaching job at the collegiate level, but it still isn't what I thought I would be doing. Basically, I am using this as a stepping stone to a different program.  I will get practice as well as a few credits under my belt, while getting some possible letters of recommendation.  I will take my GRE this fall, early enough to take it again if I need to.   My literary blog will have plenty of examples of my writing to show the depth and quality of my work, once I edit them.  That will just leave transcripts and fees, for the most part.  I just have to do well in these four classes, even after years of not having to do strictly academic work.  Sure, I have done some writing of this sort, but not much.  I just have to find the time to do it all.  It looks like just might have a lot of extra time on my hands, soon.  That's another topic, for another post.  Anyway, this marks the first time I have posted this late on my regular.  This might become a habit, but I hope not to.  I much prefer writing in a different environment than this one.

Getting Ready for School

I got my new computer strictly for the benefit of my taking online graduate school courses this fall.  While I am still learning about all I can do with this new technology, I still need to focus on that original intent.  I finally have an email address based on my own name ( I really need to change it somehow here too) for school.  I am unsure how online classes work.  There are supposedly videos up on YouTube but that is one of the things I still haven't looked too deeply into.  Three of my classes are literary analysis based.  The first is on Herman Melville.  I will be going over eight of his novels.  Actually, it is seven novel and one collection of four shorter works.  Yes, it does include Moby Dick.  My second course is about the modern British novel.  I will have to read five works.  Three are from the early twentieth century and two are from the last twenty years.  The majority are by women.  At the rate I usually read, I can probably get through one book per day, although some of Melville's works might take two days to properly digest.  My third course is on late nineteenth century American poetry.  I have a two volume collection for that class.  I am guessing that the period falls between the two volumes, otherwise I would have only had to get one of them.  Each book is over seventy dollars, as well.  My final class is on technical writing.  I wanted at least one corse where the focus wasn't on literature, although I would have preferred something more creative. I need three more textbooks, each also over seventy dollars, new, for this class.  One of these books is out of print.  I know this because I was hoping to purchase most of my books through my store, but I'm afraid I might not get to do so.  I am worrying that I might be making a mistake.  I am only taking these classes a way to get letters of recommendation so I can transfer to an MFA creative writing program.  I have already told my advisor this, and he believes it is a good plan.  I haven't determined which program I hope to transfer to.  There are still a few other factors left to see where I would be going (my two best shorts would be UK and EKU).  Still, I am sure I can handle the coursework.  Yes, it has been over twenty years since I graduated college, but I know I can handle it.  Sorry if. today's post is rambling.  I didn't really plan that much ahead, and I am trying to write faster for when I will have slightly less time to compose my posts.  While I am sure to get through the reading fairly quickly, I am not sure what else I will need to do and how much time I will have to do it.  Anyway, I will just have to wait and see.

Does So Compute

I have been hinting about seething for the last few weeks, so I best just go out and conform it.  Last month, I finally bought a computer, a MacBook Pro.  I got it so I could start taking online graduate courses this fall.  As a yet, I still haven't gotten that much beyond the laptop itself.  Just a mouse, and one book to help my learn about it faster.  I don't even have an internet hook-up at home yet, so I pretty much do all my computing at the store.  Already, I have doubled the amount of time I spend on social media, as well as on my online gaming.  I have even downloaded a few simple games, to get the feel of doing such things.  I have been able to download tings I wouldn't have been able to do before on a public computer, as well as check out a few sites that I couldn't before. 😉 I have been taking picture and making movies, as last week's post can attest to.  Some things are still out of my reach though.  I have yet to check out iTunes and iBooks, mostly out of principle since I own a bookstore.  I should get the free user's manual, though, as I have little idea of how to use many of the secondary apps.  Mainly, I am talking about the ones for image manipulation, at least I think that is what they are used for.  I don't think I will ever need Numbers or Keynote (spreadsheets and presentations), although I will use Pages for word processing at some point.  I don't really see the need for Notes, Reminders, Calendar, and Contacts.  I have yet to enable the FaceTime and iMessages features, but then again, I am not sure I know anyone who uses an iPhone or iPad for me  talk to anyway.  I am a little scared to try and use Siri; it just creeps me out, even if it is helpful. I wish Apple hadn't gotten rid of the drawing program, though.  I remember using one way back in high school, goofing around.  Once, me and a friend, altered clip art of Santa Claus into a sort of punk rocker, complete with pentagram.  It was hilarious.  Of course, we got caught, but we didn't really get into any trouble.  We even used our names to open some of the programs that no one else had did for the first time.  To get back on track, I still need to get used to being a computer owner, not just a user. Just writing this post, I have had to go back and correct some spelling errors flagged, or not, by the Mac, and not Blogger.  These conflicting rules are driving me crazy.  The Mac automatically changes things without me having to do anything, but sometimes it gets it wrong, especially on smaller words.                  I still have much to explore (Garage Band, fonts, dictionaries, etc.), and I could use any suggestions to make the process easier.  One last note, when I do start back with classes, I might not be  able to post as regularly or as long as I have been.  Sure, my classes are online, and I could view them almost any time, but I will probably not have as much time togo as deeply as I once did.  So, expect shorter posts starting next month.  I might be able to get away with longer ones if I plan carefully, but just wanted to warn you now.  See you next week.

Pushing My Limits

Okay, I'll admit it.  I took last week off.  I didn't plan on doing it, although last Wednesday was a holiday. I was planning on testing out some new equipment of mine, but the initial testing proved to be a bust.  I later got another idea.  Unfortunately, I don't really have an internet connection at my current place, so I wound up skipping a week.  However, this is just a big introduction to what I have planned for you.  As you can see below, I have included a movie clip.  I know, I find it strange myself.  It is under a minute long.  I wanted something a little longer, but I didn't really feel like it.  I just wanted some practice with my movie making app.  While it isn't that great, first intentions rarely are.  It also is a bit silly of me.  Trust me, I usually look a little bit better than the way I presented myself.  It is also the first time I had conformation about how the top of my head looks.  If I had known, I might not have made the video the way I did.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to upload the correct footage.  Instead of the edited and somewhat crafted version, I could only process the raw video.  I think.  There's just a weird symbol on my end.  Anyway, the next time I try and shoot a movie, I will do better.  Wait, I can see me.  It worked.  Watch and learn.

Everybody into the Pool

I have been interested in pool for decades, even though I have never played a round of it in my life.  I first remember seeing an actual pool table at a cousin's house.  Strangely enough, it was the same one who had the swimming pool where I learned how to swim.  It was in the attic, but I wasn't allowed to really touch it.  Maybe my mother thought I was too young for it;  I don't remember.  I just liked the colors, the numbers, the sounds the balls made bouncing into one another.  I just wanted to play.  I don't remember ever really seeing the pool table again.  I think they may have gotten rid of it at some point, before I could ever get the chance.  I begged my mom to get me a toy or small version to play with, but she never did.  The next chance I got was in high school.  A diner near the school had a table, but my mom never would let me go in,  for one reason or another.  She even said one of my great-aunts once lived in a pool hall.  I can't remember exactly which house she was talking about, either the one she was currently living in or another one I had never was in.  It was high school that I began to watch pool on television.  School let to early one day, and there was nothing on television for my to watch but some women's nine-ball on ESPN.  From that time on, I would try to catch any match they televised.  Unfortunately, the ESPN family of networks have too many real sports now to air many lower level matches anymore, at least when I can view them.  Heaven forbid they interrupt coverage of professional and collegiate corn hole tournaments.  In the late 90's, I got my first pool video game for my Playstation.  It was Backstreet Billiards.  I must have played that game for times than I did any of my other titles.  It had a weak story mode about the lead trying to get revenge on the person who murdered his father.  He had to explore all of these pool halls, collecting information and tokens, to find his way to boss and beat him at his own game.  After defeating each opponent, a new level opened up to play on its own.  The free mode was actually very fun.  You could play 8 or 9 ball, even some billiard matches, all against a computer opponent (or another player, but that never got to happen).  Unfortunately, it was one of the many discs that got damaged in the flood, and I haven't been able to get a replacement or similar quality.  I have found a few online games, but none feel as  good as that one.  I still want to play the actual game, though.  With my geometry skills, I think I could do well at it.  I might have had opportunities in college, but I was too scared to take them.  Still, I have read books and studied, so when I do make the moves up to the actual game, I think I have a decent shot of doing well.

An Unhappy Anniversary

This past weekend was a little rough for me, as it is most years, and not just because it was Fathers' Day.  Seriously, seeing so many people thanking the fathers in their lives, or by being one themselves, frequently brings out how much I missed out on growing up without one and how much I am missing out on by not being one yet.  No, this year was somewhat bad because it is the fifteenth anniversary of the flood that destroyed my home. It occurred about twenty years after the first major flood that had rocked my world.  That time, we lost a lot, but this time was worse, mostly because I had more to lose.  Most of the stuff I owned was paper-based, easily destroyed by water.  I lost hundreds, if not a thousand comic books and magazines.  I lost all but one of my college textbooks, as well as the majority of my collection of other books in my collection of new age material.  Worst of all was the loss of all twelve yearbooks covering my thirteen years of school (I missed out on the annual one year).  In fact, almost all of the evidence of my childhood was gone.  The few things that remained, I barely try to even look at, most of it in such bad shape.  To add insult to injury, I had finally decided  to chose a career, after years of contemplating.  At was mostly down to two choices, with secondary goals yet to be decided.  I had, what I thought, was a great idea for a book series.  I had been working on it for a months.  I was going to actually start writing it.  Or, I would start on a prospective project for a role-playing game publisher that really wanted to work with.   I was going to start on the Monday after the flood for the one project I felt had the best chance.  The flood took all my notes, as well as well over half of my game supplements.  I would have needed both to do either project.  While I would later recreate and evolve my ideas for a book, I had lost much of the thrill for it.  The ideas are still there, but I have since moved on to an easier subject.  As for the game publisher, it changed its business model a few months later.  It has since gone on to change so many times, that I haven't been able to keep up with it lately.  I still like it, but I doubt I'll ever work directly with them.  It has only been in the last year that I finally have chosen  a new path to take, one that would have been evident decades ago, if only I had the support to see it.  That flood took so much from me.  Sure, it was mostly material items, but for me, it was my last links to a past that I couldn't forget.  I haven't even mentioned some of the other things I lost, or the many hassles I have face since then with both my old home and where I now stay.  All I need to say is that I am finally catching up to where I should have been, where I needed to be all along.  If anything else, I can say that it makes me feel a little happier, and what else can I ask for.

'Come Tomorrow' Come Tomorrow

On Friday, June 8, the Dave Matthews Band released their latest album Come Tomorrow.  Hopefully, the day after I write and post this, I will be getting an actual physical version of the album.  I have been a fan of the band since I heard their debut single "What Would You Say" off of Under the Table and Dreaming.  I have yet to actually get this album though.  At the time, I wasn't as carefree in trying and buying new acts.  Still, I liked what I heard and was interested in their future.  I mean, how many rock bands have a saxophone, a cello, and a violin.  I also have never heard them in concert.  Unfortunately, I have been kept on a short leash and rarely get to go anywhere on my own.  Things really picked up for me with Crash, as it did for many fans, and the title track "Crash into Me."  This time, I bought the album on cassette.  I don't remember why I did so, probably financial reasons.  I since have lost or misplaced the original and bought the CD in replacement.  Their next album, Before These Crowded Streets, was the one I have most connected with.  I remember listening to the cassette and reading the liner notes on my way back from Lexington one summer day.  (I wasn't the one driving at the time, so not that a big deal.)  I was just starting to get into Mage: the Ascension as well, at the time, and I created characters based on each faction of the game upon each of the songs.  It was almost like the start of a possible television series, all the detailed stories that album helped me create.  "Crush" is definitely my favorite song off the album.  It is a song I would like to be played at my wedding reception, if I ever get married.  I still like "Crash into Me" better, though.  Their next album, Everyday, was the first one I got on CD, and the first one I got soon after it was released.  I still have to connect "The Space Between" with the September eleventh attacks, due to the fact I kept hearing this song at the time.  Leftover tracks from that album formed the basis for the next, Busted Stuff.  It was disjointed, but the songs were overall slightly better, more complex.  For some reason,  "Grey Street" stands out because of its message of hope in adversity, if nothing else.  Then came Stand Up.  I was able to purchase the premium version of the CD/DVD.  This is when I began to notice how their songs weren't being played on the radio as much, and how hard it was to find their videos on television.  They were starting to lose general popularity.  It didn't help that Dave made a solo CD at the same time.  Tragedy struck during this hiatus, as saxophonist Les Moore died in an ATV accident while starting to record new music.  As "Funny the Way It Is" says, 'somebody's broken heart, becomes your favorite song,' the band came back with the tribute Big Whiskey and the Grougrux King.  They got a new saxophonist, as well as a trumpeter.  A frequent collaborator on guitar also joined full time.  While depressing at times, this was their most critically acclaimed title yet, an appreciation I share.  I can almost see the album as the story of aliens, exploring Earth, only to get stranded here.  They don't interfere, but face a dire decision once someone finds out about them.  I don't know how I came up with these things.  Of course, after such heights, their next album, Away from the World, was somewhat of a let down.  I just felt that it was step back, just reliving previous motifs.  I am still waiting on what the new album will be like.  The promotional materials are all black and white.  Also, elephant imagery has been rampant, but that might not be directly connected.  When I do get the album, I am thinking of even reviewing it online.  But first, I have to get a copy and clear out an hour or so to listen to it.  And maybe a few more times as well.

Spelling Words Are Useless, Especially Used in Sentences

First, my apologies for the mangling of the M. Ciccone quote for my title.  I have been waiting for the opportunity to try to use it somewhere, and today seemed to be the best chance.  Anyway, it is that time of year again.  Last week was the National Spelling Bee.  If you are a long time reader, you may remember how I enjoy watching the competition, as well as pointing out some of its shortcomings.  This time around cannot be more different from last year's event.  Instead of a lengthy championship round that used specialized, but not too rare a list of words, this year had the shortest round possible, with three words connected to philosophical matters.  Leading up to the final rounds, many of the spellers got caught by missing double letters.  I even recognized many of the words, including 'shamir', a worm-like creature from Hebraic folklore that could eat through anything, and 'Mnemosyne', a titan of memory from Greek mythology (it also is the name of a supernatural power from used by ghosts in the White Wolf/Onyx Path Publishing role-playing game Wraith:  the Oblivion).  I especially liked the example sentence used for the last one.  I student wanted to say a prayer for help in a history exam, but couldn't remember her name.  The final round started with the word 'bewusstseinstage' which is a German word that means the conscious state achieved without sensory output, or something like that.  She forgot to double the first 's' and got eliminated.  The other player then had to spell two words to win.  First, he had 'haecceitas', a Latin word describing the most important states of an individual.  Finally, he had to spell 'koinonia', a Greek word for the spiritual communion felt by a group of Christian fellowship.  I don't remember 'Christian' being used in the definition for telecast, but other outlets did mention it.  Overall, it was a good bee.  I laughed at many of the 'use it in a sentence' examples.   I loved the one where Moses was misquoted as sayint the lyrics to Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off."  By the way, the words in blue were not recognized by spell check, which makes a lot of sense if you think about it.

School's in for Autumn

Well, I did it.  I was accepted in an online MA English program at Morehead State Graduate School.  It will either be the first step in correcting over twenty years of mistakes and missteps, or another huge failure for me.  Frankly, I am scared bleepless (yes, I do swear and use four-letter words where appropriate, but never in front of a mixed audience such as this).  I know next to nothing about how classes are done online, much less how much may have changed in my field in all this time.  Sure, I have tried to stay in the know, but not being there hasn't helped me much.  I will be on a 'conditional status' which means I will be limited in just all I can do and how many classes I can take, until I pass my GRE or prove I am worthy by getting a very high GPA on my classes (the actual GPA is being changed for the new semester right now, so the actual minimum is in doubt).  I will have to finally get a computer, after putting it off for so long.  At least I won't have to use the ones in public libraries anymore.  I am about halfway through the acceptance and admission process.  At this second, I am getting ready to email my academic advisor for suggestions on what classes to take.  I am bad at email, since I don't do it that often.  I would have preferred a face-to-face meeting, but you can't have everything.  I would have preferred actual classes, too, but those pesky letters of recommendation were holding me back.  I must admit, if I get the opportunity, I will try to transfer.  Maybe.   I hate the thought of abandoning the place where I start, but if I am not taking too well to the format, I might have to.  I will also have to find a way to pay for everything, and I will be checking that out as well.  I just hope I am doing the right thing.  In my heart, I know I am.  Yet, there is this doubt that has been clinging to me for so long that I am not good enough.  It comes from not having anyone around me for support.  So many times, I let others dictate my path, even when I knew it to be wrong.  I can't allow myself to falter anymore.  I am too old to let life keep passing me by.  I have missed so much, and I want it back.

The LinkedIn Memorial

I am not sure how I got started on the LinkedIn social media platform.  I had been on Facebook for just a few months, and I was still trying to find people.  I guess I was using LinkedIn as a secondary source for information to find people.  When I first started out, I literally did not know what I was doing.  For my other forays onto social media, I had guides.  Not so that time around.  The only one I have, I got months after the fact, and it was already partially out-of-date when I read it. So, I did the best that I could.  I randomly threw in information, including a statement, that while accurate, did not really say anything about my needs or future goals.  I didn't even put up a picture for a few months.  I made mistakes everywhere.  I accidentally clicked onto some contacts that really didn't suit my needs.  I also accidentally dismissed others who I did want as contacts.  I got confused over some of the techniques.  I know I should have done better, but I really didn't have much of a clue over what I was doing.  About the same time I added my picture to my profile, I finally realized what my ultimate career goal should be, becoming a professional writer with a primary/backup goal of teaching at the collegiate level, just in case if I had problems getting published.  I know I am somewhat old to be figuring out my career plan, but I had a lot of problems of the decades, and I am only now  getting back on track.   I started to curate my profile.  I got rid of contacts that didn't seem to have a direct bearing on my future career.  I would include an example, but I have totally forgotten anything about them.  I cleaned up my statement, emphasizing my future plans.  Particularly, I tried to get people who could recommend me for graduate school.  It seems silly when I write that, but as a self-employed unintentional loner, I don't have a large social circle to draw on directly.  Using outside sources seemed like a given.  Recently, I even managed to contact some of the people that I wanted to find when I first signed up.  I have even been the target for some searches.  I am not sure if I really have the experience, or even the interest, for those who did the searching, but at least I am out there, in a fashion.  Really, when you consider how the majority of my work experience has been as my own boss, I am lucky I know as much as I do about working.  Actually getting noticed there has been a great experience for me, after all the setbacks I have had to face.  I might even be able to be hired soon, which is great.

Weight for Me

I really can't explain how I got into weightlifting.  When I was a kid, I really wasn't athletic.  I didn't have a father around to push me into sports and such, only a 'strict' grandmother and an overprotective mother.  The only chance I had to get into such things would have been at school, but I was always uncomfortable around the other boys because I was on the small side and wasn't as good at such things.  I even somehow managed to finagle a way so I wouldn't have to change clothes for P.E. in high school, I was so uncomfortable.  It wasn't until the mid-90's that things changed.  I was kind of depressed.  My plans for school weren't working out, I couldn't get a job, and I hadn't had contact with any friends in years.  I started worrying about my health, and everything else.  I needed to try and change my life.  I took up new interests, one of them being weightlifting.  I felt that it would be a way to make my feel more like an adult as well as more masculine.  So, I asked for a weight set for Christmas.  Not only did my mother wait one month until my birthday to get it, but she ordered the wrong package.  Instead of a standard set with a barbell and multiple plates, she got me a smaller dumbbell set instead, with fewer and lighter plates.  On second thought, this was almost a good idea.  When I tried my first routine, which a got from a magazine, I adapted it to use lighter weights (about half of the twenty and ten pounds suggested).  I could barely do it, at least it felt that way.  The next day, I was so sore from never using my muscles before, I barely wanted to try it ever again.  I did try it a few days later, and I kept at it.  It would be weeks before I felt confident enough to try my routine at the base weights, but I ultimately got there.  I began incorporating more exercises.  I finally got a standard weight set, with a barbell, so I could finally go heavier and add a better selection of exercises.  I though about joining a gym, but I still felt uncomfortable around other guys like that (I try not to even use public restrooms, if I can help it;  I really need to trust someone to be in a such situations).  Since I wasn't working yet, I could exercise on a regular schedule.  Once I opened my store, it was harder to do so.  I tried working out in the mornings, but I was never able to get enough energy.  After work, I just don't have enough time, most nights.  I have resorted to doing some body weight moves, whenever the store is empty, which is rather too frequent.  I mostly only have the weekends and holidays, which is not enough time.  I been in a plateau for awhile now.  At my best, I am able to do a 100lb unilateral dumbbell bench press, with fairly good form and self-spotting, for at least eight reps; and a 120lb weight with mostly good form for at least two reps, although I haven't hit that mark for a few weeks.  I have similar results in unilateral dumbbell versions of the row, shrug, squat, and the deadlift.  For smaller muscle groups, I can do a unilateral overhead dumbbell shoulder press at 50lbs for eight or more reps with fairly good form and self-spotting; and at 60lbs for more than two reps.  I have similar results with the unilateral dumbbell versions of the triceps kickback and the hammer curl.  I could use more training and help, but I am happy with how I look and feel.  Some of my muscles show, and are even have popping veins, but none are really huge.  I just can't eat enough, even with protein shakes and other supplements.  My glutes are the real problem.  They still are flat, even after all these years.  I can barely wear jeans so that I look good in them.  At least my pants are mostly loose at the waist and my shirts are getting too tight in the shoulders, so I have got something.  I really need to join a gym to get the most out of my workouts, though.  Stay fit, everyone.

These Might Not Be a Few of My Favorite Things

Although I don't publicize it much, this isn't my only blog.  I have THW's Booknotes Blog, my somewhat professional blog about my book store, Booknotes.  I also have The T. H. Weingarten Miscellany, my literary blog showcasing my works in progress.  I usually try and keep the subject manner of these blogs separate.  However, something recently came up that touches upon all three.  PBS recently announced a series about America's favorite books/series.  In conjunction with this, the Kentucky network of PBS affiliates, Kentucky Educational Television (or KET) sent out information to independent book stores to tie into the series.  This included bookmarks as well as a list of the 100 books that people will vote on, with the winner announced this fall on the show.  As an English major, a book store owner, and an aspiring writer, I take some issue with the selection process by nameless experts with unknown criteria.  Just because a book is a 'favorite', does not equate with success or critical acclaim.  Take the Fifty Shades of Grey series.  While popular, other works have dealt with such erotic taboo topics better, especially when you consider that the series is based on fan-fiction of the vampire young-adult Twilight Saga, which is just a tad better and also on the list.  In fact, many such series are included.  The most extreme case being The Wheel of Time series.  If you are not up on this fourteen (yes, 14) book fantasy series, with a prequel and background information, think of it a PG-13 rated A Game of Thrones, but with more magic and a little less violence and way less gratuitous sex.  While I loved the series (it should be adapted for television), it isn't of the same literary quality as Thrones (also listed).  In fact, many of the books have been adapted for other media.  I feel that is why so many got onto this list, with a movie's or television show's popularity helping bolster a position.  Many of the books just don't seem to be popular enough to have actually be considered favorite by lots of people.  Take Crime and Punishment.  I cannot believe too many people actually liked this lengthy Russian novel, especially in translation.  Other long works, such as Atlas Shrugged, Don Quixote, and Moby Dick are also here.  I feel some people chose them just to seem more "in-the-know" as opposed to have actually read them.  Some of the books, like The Martian and Gone Girl, are just too recent to be considered cannon enough to know if they could become true favorites.  On the other hand, I feel that there are too many omissions.  While The Adventures of Tom Sawyer made the cut, the superior The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn did not.  Neither did The Sound and the Fury, one of the best books of the twentieth century.   Worst of all, two of the most important novels of the past century, Ulysses and A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, both by James Joyce, were skipped over.  Both are among my favorite books.   Sure, I read them as part of assignment back in college, but I still liked them.  Ulysses in particular has yet achieved all that it is due.  I could see it as a mini-series on HBO, with each chapter being the basis for a one-hour episode.  Sure, there would be a lack of female characters, but the final episode would be a tour de force for an actress.  Anyway, until I know more, I will not pass any judgements.   I just hope that something worthy takes the top spot.

An Uneventful Week of Events

This past Saturday was International Tabletop Game Day, a celebration of traditional board and card games, those that you can't play on an electronic device.  The local game store was offering an event that afternoon that I was interested in attending.  However, things did not go as planned.  I was late with lunch and well as someone who came in my store, Booknotes.  That was going to make me late for the start time.  Furthermore, I wanted to wait until after the mail arrived before I left.  The store has been having problems with mail delivery lately, and I wanted to make sure nothing was amiss, especially since the mail can arrive almost any time on any given day.  I waited for over an hour, but I never saw it arrive.  By that time, I had to worry about taking out the trash, as the garbage pickup can be fairly random as well.  As it was, it was barely ten minutes after I put it out that they cam by to pick it up.  Most days, they arrive around five or so.  I finally checked on the mail as well, only to discover that it had been delivered without me noticing it.  It was closing time, and I needed to do some grocery shopping, making me even later to attend the event.  For the past few weeks, the weekend shopping had been taking me only about twenty minutes or so.  This weekend, it took almost forty-five.  I still had to take some things back to the store first, passing the game shop on the way.  There weren't really any good parking spaces at that time.  After I had finished up at the store, it was almost five, the time when the main event was scheduled to end.  With a heavy heart, I decided not to try and go back to see what was happening.  I regretted it almost instantly, but it was too late to make any more changes to my schedule.  To top it all off, I saw an item on the evening news that Saturday was also Independent Book Store Appreciation Day.  I had totally forgotten about it.  I didn't plan or even announce anything to do for the day.  In all honesty, we wouldn't have been able to get any of the special goodies that were to be offered to hand out, since Booknotes is not part of a retailer association.  I don't even know if there is a book store group for the area.  Even if there were one, we really don't have the funds to cover fees.  We might not  even be open by this time next year.  Anyway, this coming Saturday is Free Comic Book Day at the same store, and this time, I plan to attend.   The available titles have already been  announced, and none of them really excite me.  Normally, there would be a preview of a big event.  This year, that title is coming out Wednesday instead and cost twenty-five cents.  Sneaky move and not really fair.  Still, I will have something to look forward to, and there is another event coming this summer that I think I will like even more.

An Answer to Everything, or at Least My Code

Two weeks ago, I posted a code puzzle.  I gave readers two weeks to come up with an answer.  Here it is, as well as an explanation.  I coded the puzzle using the Spanish alphabet, based on my memories of my college classes, so forgive me for any mistakes that crept in.  The letters 'k' and 'w' are not used in native words, only in loan words from other languages, so they didn't appear in the message.  Furthermore, certain letter combinations are treated as one letter.  In the message, these are 'ch' and 'll'.  Also, the letter 'ñ' is also used; I transcribed it as 'ny'.  Whenever any of these combinations were used, I made sure that both parts were in the same font and that the letters both before and after them were in different fonts, to alert solvers that something was going on.  Lastly, since the letters 'b' and 'v' are pronounced similarly, I used them interchangeably for the same letter.  I alternated them in words, as opposed to randomly choosing them, as a clue in solving.  [I also almost changed the coded message into a second phonetic code in a language using a different alphabet entirely, but I ran out of time, and it was way harder than I wanted to work.]  Anyway, here is the decoded message.  The code key will be at the end of the page.

In this quiz, you are just looking for a ten letter word, each one different.  When read backwards, the last four letters spell a word involving movement.  Same goes for the first six, if one is removed.  In its entirety, it completes this series of related synonyms (from MN)--GEMINI, UNTAMED, and BESERKER.  As an extra hint, Jazz can be its enemy, especially when quite alone.

As you can see, I used every letter at least twice, to help hide certain things and make the puzzle harder.  The answer, of course, is TIMBERWOLF.  The last four letters, when read backwards, spell 'flow'.  The first six, when read backwards with the 'b' removed, spell 'remit'.  The three words are synonyms for professional sports teams from Minnesota:  Twins, Wild, and Vikings.  [In my original puzzle, from the early '90s, the Wild were replaced by the North Stars, now the Dallas Stars.]  Finally, as a hint about the NBA, I included the Jazz, which is one of the Timberwolves sometimes foes.  I hoped you liked this puzzle and code.  Expect more when I get a good idea and the time.

Key:  First is actual letter, second is the coded letter/s.  A=NY, B=Z, C=O, D=I, E=B and V, F=Y, G=M, H=D, I=C, J=S, K=P, L=A, M=R, N=E, O=N, P=T, Q=X, R=LL, S=CH, T=H, U=L, V=J, W=Q, X=G, Y=F, Z=U

I deliberately chose my words to create unusual letter combinations for the message, as an additional hint about the code.

 

Way Too Much Coffee, Man

Earlier this week, Starbucks opened its first retail center in a Pikeville Food City supermarket, the only one in a twenty or even fifty mile radius.  I had thought about opening a franchise myself, about ten to twelve years ago, in connection with my book store, Booknotes, but my 'financial advisor' thought it would cost way too much to do so, even with the probable profit to be made.  Another reason why I didn't open up any sort of coffee shop at all is because I don't drink coffee.  I don't even like the smell of it.  Part of the reason stems from when I was a child.  My mother would used to make coffee all the time, and dump the used grounds in with other sorts of garbage.  That sight would always make me feel sick to the stomach.  So much so, that the smell of coffee would make me sick.  I couldn't even stand the slight taste of coffee found in candies and cakes.  I would have to spit it out.  The almost reached into other hot beverages, like tea and hot chocolate.  I don't really drink any of those either.  Another reason is because I feel that if I ever started drinking, and enjoying, coffee, it would finally make me a complete adult.  Don't get me wrong, I am an adult, even thought I frequently act and feel half my age, or little more than that (even if teenagers seem to be drinking it now).  I just don't want to be reminded of it.  I think that taking one of those few last steps would finally end my childhood fantasies, and I will have to grow up.  I don't really have any much of an interest in many so-called adult things, such as golf or retirement plans.  I know I will have to do something about such matters and soon.  Coffee still remains a sticking point.  I don't even drink many caffeinated beverages, barely one can of pop every other day.  Sometimes, I drink naturally uncaffeinated drinks, such as root beer.  Let's not forget my long-time insomnia that pops up now and again.  I just think coffee is not quite what it is cracked up to be.  It is what it is, I can't say anything more.  See you next week with a full explanation of last week code challenge.

Breaking My Code

Well, it has been over month since I announced my code puzzle, and it is finally here.  I am sorry it has taken so long, but once you look it over, you will see why it took so long.  Below is an encoded message, it two parts.  Once you solve it, the message reveals a second puzzle. The one word answer to that puzzle is the final solution.  I am sorry about the 'ransom letter' style to my message, but it was the best way to convey what I wanted to show.  In fact, I almost made it slightly harder to figure out, but also easier to solve.  Anyway, here is the code.

Well, there it is.  You can ignore capitalization; I just cut out the letters that I could get to.  On the other hand, font is important.  If you scroll down a little farther, you will find a second version of the message that might be easier to read.  All letters will be capitalized to make it easier to read.  fonts will be as close to the original as I can get.  There will be some additional clues as well.  Spellcheck, I hope you can forgive me.






CE HDCCH XLCU, FNL NY LLB SLCHH ANNPCEM YNLL NY HVE ABHHVLL QNLLI, BNYOD NEV ICYYBLLBEH. QDVE LLBNYI ZNYOPQNYLLICH, HDV ANYCHH YNLLL ABHHBLLCH CHTVAA NY QNLLI CEJNBAJCEM RNJBRBEH.  CHNYRV MNBCH YNLLHDV YCLLCHH CHCG, CY NEB CCH LLVRNJVI. CE CHCH BEHCLLBHF, CH ONRTAVHVCH HDCCH CHBLLCBCH NY LLVANYHVI CHFENEFRCH -- Y LLNR RO:  MBRCEC, LEHNYRVI, NYEI ZBCHBLLPBLL.  NYCH NYE VGHLLNY DCEH, SNYUU ONYE ZB CHCH VEVRF, BCHTBOCNYAAF QDVE XLCHB NYANEV.
  
Two final clues to help solve this.  First, I have the habit of writing in pangrams, sometimes unconsciously.  Second, the message is in English, although the cipher might not be.  I will post the answers in two weeks or so, just to give you enough time to get the answer.