B.M.O.C.(Big Man on a Computer)

I didn't really know what to expect when I started my classes for graduate school.  I thought I would have one, maybe two, video lectures per week.  The professor would announce an assignment, either reading or written; and I would be given a few days to complete it.  I would have almost no interactive with my fellow classmates.  There would be no need to, as everyone would be on a different schedule.  Feedback would be minimal.  I would be told exactly what to expect, and to go about finding it.  I am mostly wrong.  There are no lectures.  In fact, what presentations I have been given are not lecture at all.  I am basically given an assignment, and then I must figure out what I must learn on my own.   Also, I have to give direct feedback to the class.  The professor and other students can then critique and inform based on what I post.  Such posts to the 'discussion board' are an important part of the overall grade.  Such assignments will be given out on at least a weekly basis. The major assignments are going to be longer than I thought they would be, although it could just be because I haven't written longer form projects as much lately.  I am unsure about exactly what I should be doing, and this is only the first week of classes.  I don't know if this is the way grad school classes are normally taught, or if this is just a hallmark of online classes in general.  It could also be that the way teaching is done nowadays, almost twenty-five years after the last time I was in school.  I need more structure than I am being given.  If you tell me exactly what to look for and what I should learn,  I can do it.  If you give me  total freedom, I frequently mess up, as I find it hard to concentrate on just one thing.   Sometimes, though, this freedom can allow me to accomplish more than I thought possible.  This partial freedom in learning conflicts with my nature.  I am a listener, not that much an initiator.   I am uncomfortable and unfamiliar with how things are being done.  It takes me awhile to feel comfortable around new situations and people.  I can't connect with these total strangers online in the meaningful that I need to so I can do my best.  I'ver been worried sick and sleepless about trying to figure out to  tailor my style with that of my classes, and it is taking way longer than I have.  I should have only taken three classes, or perhaps two, instead of the four my mother forced on me.  It is impossible at times to go against her.  She can get so mad.  I should have gone withy instincts, anyway.  I am limiting myself to no more than twenty minutes at a time on this blog, to make more time for my classwork.  So, until next week.