Weight for Me

I really can't explain how I got into weightlifting.  When I was a kid, I really wasn't athletic.  I didn't have a father around to push me into sports and such, only a 'strict' grandmother and an overprotective mother.  The only chance I had to get into such things would have been at school, but I was always uncomfortable around the other boys because I was on the small side and wasn't as good at such things.  I even somehow managed to finagle a way so I wouldn't have to change clothes for P.E. in high school, I was so uncomfortable.  It wasn't until the mid-90's that things changed.  I was kind of depressed.  My plans for school weren't working out, I couldn't get a job, and I hadn't had contact with any friends in years.  I started worrying about my health, and everything else.  I needed to try and change my life.  I took up new interests, one of them being weightlifting.  I felt that it would be a way to make my feel more like an adult as well as more masculine.  So, I asked for a weight set for Christmas.  Not only did my mother wait one month until my birthday to get it, but she ordered the wrong package.  Instead of a standard set with a barbell and multiple plates, she got me a smaller dumbbell set instead, with fewer and lighter plates.  On second thought, this was almost a good idea.  When I tried my first routine, which a got from a magazine, I adapted it to use lighter weights (about half of the twenty and ten pounds suggested).  I could barely do it, at least it felt that way.  The next day, I was so sore from never using my muscles before, I barely wanted to try it ever again.  I did try it a few days later, and I kept at it.  It would be weeks before I felt confident enough to try my routine at the base weights, but I ultimately got there.  I began incorporating more exercises.  I finally got a standard weight set, with a barbell, so I could finally go heavier and add a better selection of exercises.  I though about joining a gym, but I still felt uncomfortable around other guys like that (I try not to even use public restrooms, if I can help it;  I really need to trust someone to be in a such situations).  Since I wasn't working yet, I could exercise on a regular schedule.  Once I opened my store, it was harder to do so.  I tried working out in the mornings, but I was never able to get enough energy.  After work, I just don't have enough time, most nights.  I have resorted to doing some body weight moves, whenever the store is empty, which is rather too frequent.  I mostly only have the weekends and holidays, which is not enough time.  I been in a plateau for awhile now.  At my best, I am able to do a 100lb unilateral dumbbell bench press, with fairly good form and self-spotting, for at least eight reps; and a 120lb weight with mostly good form for at least two reps, although I haven't hit that mark for a few weeks.  I have similar results in unilateral dumbbell versions of the row, shrug, squat, and the deadlift.  For smaller muscle groups, I can do a unilateral overhead dumbbell shoulder press at 50lbs for eight or more reps with fairly good form and self-spotting; and at 60lbs for more than two reps.  I have similar results with the unilateral dumbbell versions of the triceps kickback and the hammer curl.  I could use more training and help, but I am happy with how I look and feel.  Some of my muscles show, and are even have popping veins, but none are really huge.  I just can't eat enough, even with protein shakes and other supplements.  My glutes are the real problem.  They still are flat, even after all these years.  I can barely wear jeans so that I look good in them.  At least my pants are mostly loose at the waist and my shirts are getting too tight in the shoulders, so I have got something.  I really need to join a gym to get the most out of my workouts, though.  Stay fit, everyone.