So, I finally decided to dip my toes into online dating. I thought, "I've had my phone for over a year now, so I might as well use it for something more than Golf Clash and secondary authorizations." I won't mention where, so don't try to find me. Besides, I am not sure if I set it up correctly anyway. I would have asked for help, but I don't really know any people who would be using a dating app. Most of them have been married for ten, fifteen, twenty, or more years. Some are even grandparents, so even their children wouldn't be of help to me. This will come as a surprise, as I have never dated before. Shocker, but I do believe I have mentioned it a few times here before. Yeah, I've had crushes, but I never followed through on them. In high school, I could never tell who was available or when, so I never seemed to have a chance. The fact that they were dating guys I would consider friends made it even more difficult. I didn't know about the 'bro code' back then, but it just didn't seem right to play my hand. It was my senior year before anyone tried to help me out, but it was too late by then. I was almost eighteen, so lower grades were entirely out of the equation. There was also no one in my senior class I was truly interested in, who wasn't already in a fairly stable relationship. I bided my time until college, but nothing would come of it. As I frequently mention, I hated the school I went to, so I tried not to make any sort of connection to anyone. I probably wouldn't have been able to go out anyway. I was staying at home and commuting, and my mother kept my on a very tight leash. I wasn't even able to go back to school one night to participate in a mandatory assignment. I had to do a make-up to compensate. Once, I was about fifteen to twenty minutes late getting home. I saw my mother pass me in my car as she had decided to go out to look for me. Did I mention it was only 6 pm? In August? On a clear day? When I was thirty?!? There are parents of teenagers who wouldn't go out looking for their kids in such a situation. Okay, they would probably have phones on them, but you get the idea. Basically speaking, the only social situations that I am completely comfortable in would be academics and shopping. I just haven't had the opportunity to go anywhere else. I just wish I had someone to help me out. I once had a copy of Dating for Dummies at my store, but it was sold before I had a chance to really read it. [There are actually weirder 'Dummies' books than this. You might want to see what's available.] My real problem is that I think I probably have waited way too long to start looking. You see, I've always wanted children, as in more than one. I was always so lonely as a child, so I would like at least two so that my kids wouldn't suffer the way I did. As most women in my age group either don't or can't have children, this means I'll be looking for women younger than me, by at least fifteen years. Not really best scenario, as such an age difference isn't really looked well upon. Also, I have become pretty set in my ways. If I had found someone in my twenties, like most people, there would have been some room to change and adapt. I'm practically a curmudgeon in my ways, albeit somewhat immature, but I still won't change much. Everything just keeps coming back to the fact that I am so old, I feel that I missed my chance. I was just waiting until it felt like the right time, when I had a good start at a career, you know. Now, that time may have slipped away, never to come back. I hope that I am wrong. So many doubts. I may be way over my head this time. We shall see.
No comments:
Post a Comment