Welcome to My Game World, an Introduction

    Back in the mid to late 90s, I was having a hard time with my life.  I couldn't get a job.  I hate no social life, didn't even know how to have one.  I decided to try and re-invent myself in an effort to perk me up.  I took up weightlifting at home.  I upgraded my wardrobe.  I tried to go deeper into video games.  However, the one thing that made me feel better was deciding to get into roleplaying games (RPGs or TTRPRGs for 'tabletop' as many are calling them now to differentiate them from video game versions).  Specifically, "World of Darkness," or WOD.  I know that there have been a lot of controversies over the years about this system, but for some reason its take on modern horror-fantasy just clicked with me in ways that the high-fantasy worlds of "Dungeons and Dragons" just didn't hit. When I bought my first book, about twenty-seven years ago this week, I just knew I found my calling.  I read that first book cover to cover, even the index, just about.  I was so enthralled by the line, that I bought a second book just a few days later.  I'm not sure what the plan initially was, maybe learn as much as I could before finding a group to join to actually play or something.  I would go out to find core books that appealed to me, before also moving on to new ones as soon as they came out.  I the height of my collecting, as was averaging at least two books per month, possibly closer to three. Frequently more than that when I could.  I never felt confident enough to look for a playgroup to join, but I did start getting ideas for games.  In fact, barely a year after I first started with the WOD, I had the first inklings for a game line set in the same world.  For years, I wavered on what I could do for a career, since I couldn't get a job and I didn't like that business I was forced to start.  One of my options was trying to get into game design.  I lacked the confidence, but I decided to finally choose something just after Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix came out in June of 2003. Just before I could make a decision, a huge flood came and devastated my life.  At the time, I had over 150 books in my WOD collection, including the new "Exalted" line set in a forerunner high fantasy setting.  Over 85% of my collection was affected.  I was able to replace some of the books, including most of the core rule books.  I managed to temporarily save most of the rest, and I painstakingly salvaged as much information from them as I could.  I was tricky work and took many years, and I probably missed a lot of information I should've kept.  To add insult to injury, White Wolf, the publisher, announced that August that they were going to end the original WOD in 2004 and replace it with a new version.  I was reeling, my dreams put on hold again.  I would go on to collect the last books of the original line, and I waited until the following August to get the first books in the new World of Darkness, nWOD which was renamed the Chronicles of Darkness or COD many years later.  Some of the terms and systems were the same, but there were enough differences to make me be unsure if I really liked it or not.  For one thing, all of the books would be hardcover, and therefore more expensive.  Another thing, my own game might fit this new world a little better.  I waited until more games were introduced to see where they were going, making plans for my own game. However, when the fifth game in the new line was introduced in 2007, I started to have doubts about my own ideas.  I quickly pivoted on remaking a one of the old lines into something that would work in the nWOD.  I worked with the few bits I had from my old collection, and I even printed out some material online so that I could a better working on the idea.  It took me a year, but when I finally finished my rough draft of notes, I felt hollow.  Turns out that the publisher announced a new game to release in 2009 that would have made my second game idea irrelevant.   New books started to come out less frequently after that until 2010/2011 when the company changed its publishing model.  They were going to a digital download/print on demand model, PDF and POD. Since I didn't own a computer at the time, I was out of luck.  I would check on them now and again, seeing what books were planned, but I basically gave up on them for a few years.  By 2018, my life I changed. I had started looking for the books online again, finding out that the original White Wolf line had been folded by the company's current owner, Paradox, the third Scandinavian video company in row to own it.  Some of the original talent formed their own company, Onyx Path Publishing (OPP)  to publish both Exalted and COD through an agreement, as well as new WOD material connected to the original game line's twentieth anniversary.  Many of these new books were funded through crowdsourcing.  Not only that, but Paradox was putting out a new fifth edition of the WOD books, without the direct help of much of the original talent. Well, not only did I now have a computer, but a credit card as well.  I would wind up downloading many of the new WOD products (I didn't like the other two lines enough to bother with their latest products), as well as helping fund some of the new books.  I would pick up the new Fifth Edition material, although I am in the group of older fans that think the new stuff is highly flawed.  I mean, some of the missteps are quite bad.  I'm not sure if I will be getting any more of it.  Now, I'm just waiting to see if the current owner will put an end to allowing the older material to still be available before I can finish buying it whenever I have the extra funds.  I have multiple ideas, not just for that old game line, but other new products.  However, I feel that the time has passed on becoming a game designer. Sure, I could earn a few bucks making fan products, but I don't have the computer expertise to handle it.  It is still a pipe dream to do something with my ideas, even if I have yet to play an actual game with a group. For the month of October, I will be doing a special series of post about my love for the WOD, similar to what I did with comic books earlier this year.  There will be differences, as I have twenty fewer years of collecting with a six year gap, but this means I can go deeper into how this has affected my life.  This will include expanding on some of the details I glossed over in this post.  Welcome to my game world.  Not everything is as dark as it seems.

One Hundred Videos on YouTube, One Videos in All

    Earlier this morning, I posted my 100th "Making the Logo" video on my channel. Find it here. I was supposed to upload last night, but I forgot.  That happens a lot actually.  Anyway, this is a special event for me, if even my count might not be entirely correct.  I could be off by a few, either way. I started making these logos years before I started recording the event.  Here's how it began. When we first opened my store, BookNotes, we borrowed a few easels for display purposes, two small easels and two large ones. Sometime after the store's opening, we returned three of the easels, but we kept one of the large ones.  The easel's original owners ultimately just threw them out, but that is beside the point. We used to easel to support a dry erase board to present various messages, such as sales or if we would be opening up late/be closed for a day. The board got knocked over one day, shattering the frame. I still have all the pieces, but I usually just use the bottom one to help support the board. Well, I eventually got 'bored' with just seeing the same old name being used, so I thought of ways to jazz it up.  One of the first times was for Halloween.  I made each "o" in book into an eye and placed a slight mouth underneath them, as well as a faint outline making it sort of like a ghost.  Making the left side of the "k" into an exclamation point made it look like it was a ghost shouting "BOO!" Over the next few years, I would come up with other ideas tying the logo into the current season or holiday somehow.  At the time, I didn't know that Google pretty much did the same thing with their logo. (I was using Yahoo at the time whenever I got online at the public library.) When I first got my own computer in the summer of 2018, a MacBook Pro, I realized it had an app, Photo Booth, that could be used to take both photos and videos. I immediately realized a potential venue for social media content, and I decided to start filming my logo making sessions. (Yes, I know about Apples' iMovie app as well.  I have tried it out a few times, but never for "Making the Logo."  There is just too much for me to fully understand, and the few times I have tried it hasn't produced good results.) That first video had watermelons as the theme, with each "o" made into a green striped watermelon; the final one was cut open to see the pink insides and seeds.  Fruit has been a common element, from apples to pawpaws, with the "o" being the most common letter altered.  "Ts" have been used as scarecrows.  "Ks" have been people raking leaves.  Once, I even made each letter into a rabbit, but I might not have filmed that one.  Many of the earliest videos don't have a title, something I'm slowing changing. I crosspost the clips onto both my Facebook, and, later, LinkedIn pages.  I usually upload the video directly onto my store's Facebook page, for various reasons I don't want to go into. Over the years, I done a lot to my store's logo.  While I usually just alter a few elements, as I mentioned above, I sometimes make the entire logo into a picture instead.  I've had the logo on a birthday cake, and the letters throwing a birthday party. I gone vertical with a multi-scoop ice cream cone, and I've gone totally random with debris from a tornado. I've done minimalist with a cherry blossom branch with the logo written small on the side, and I've gone all out with the letters as tracks on a roller coaster.  I managed to keep the series going even during lockdown, quickly crafting videos on the fly on my irregular trips to the store to check on it, without opening. Two of my favorite videos would have to be 'Jellybeans" and "Scarf." The former is just a row of different colored jellybeans, with the letters erased out of them using a negative technique. The latter is one of the longest and most intricate designs I've ever pulled off.  The logo is made to look like it was knitted multiple times along the entire length of the scarf, wrapped around a person's neck.  The scarf is in multiple shades of blue, with a snowflake design replacing each of the "Os."  The scarf is wrapped in such a way the each part of the logo is visible at either end, just before the tassels. For my 100th video, I went simple.  Just a basic logo in blue, with a red play button, similar to the YouTube symbol, in place of the final "o." There is also a surprise hidden in the video, but you'll have to watch it to find it.  This is also the first time I ever spoke in the video, so I hope you can hear me. Here's looking at me!

Eating My Cake and Having It Too

    I hate to say this, but my mom is a horrible cook.  When growing up, she would rarely use eggs in her baking.  This helped lead into very bad cakes, as well as a slight egg sensitivity in me.  I can usually stand eggs when incorporated and baked into other things, but having them by themselves, especially uncooked when baking, can cause problems.  Even today, with multiple egg substitutes available, I go to packaged baked goods or otherwise pre-made rather than baking on my own. (Two words can sum up the rest of my mom's cooking--boiled steak. To this day, I have an aversion to steak just because of this lone abomination in cooking.  It also led me to learn how to cook on my own, and I must say my style is much better than some of the things my mother has tried. At least in my own opinion.) As such, I have tried many a cake, only to have them vanish from the shelves.  Sometimes, they come back in a different form.  Here are some of my favorites from over the years and what has taken their places. First comes Deluxe Zingers, originally from Dolly Madison, a subsidiary division of Hostess.  These were cakes with a layer of creme filling between two layers, topped with more of a frosting situation and sprinkles.  It could have been a fondant, but I can't be sure.  They came in multiple flavors, but I pretty much stuck to chocolate. Unfortunately, Dolly Madison went out of business with all the other divisions when Hostess shut down. It never came back.  Today, all I'm stuck with are regular Zingers, creme-filled rectangular cakes with a layer of fondant on top.  They come in chocolate, vanilla, and the horror known as raspberry with coconut.  How? How?  Next, also from Hostess, is the Chocodile.  Basically, this was a chocolate-coated Twinkie.  I preferred the special limited-edition 'Banana Split' flavor.  This was more of a Zinger-shaped rectangular cake with a banana-flavored creme filling, topped with a layer of strawberry 'jelly,' and then enrobed in a chocolate coating. These have yet to come back, although banana Twinkies are still around. I've tried a similar product from a Mexico based bakery, but there are many differences.  First, the cake has a layer of standard creme over most of the top, just missing one end.  Then, it has a layer of pineapple jelly on top of that, dyed red.  Finally, the entire thing is coated in chocolate and sprinkled with miniature chocolate chips.  While the chips were a nice touch, the rest of it didn't live up to the original. This brings us to Tastykake Chocolate Bells.  They were a simple concept.  Just a creme-filled chocolate cupcake, turned upside-down, and enrobed in chocolate. Nothing else.  They were sort of like a Ding Dong, but I loved them to no end compared to the Hostess product.  Unfortunately, they were never around on a steady basis and are no longer being made.  Another company has recently come out with two different takes on the product to mixed results.  First is a triple-chocolate version with chocolate cake, a chocolate-creme filling, and a striped chocolate coating.  The filling tends to blend into the cake, and coating is a little thin.  There is also a cookies-n-creme version with a chocolate-chip studded golden cake, chocolate creme filling, and a white coating with chocolate stripes.  An interesting combination, but I feel that it is just a tad off somehow.  Next comes a product whose current version might just be better, jelly swirls.  Basically, a jelly swirl is a honey bun, but with the cinnamon replaced with a fruit filling.  If there is any cinnamon in these, I couldn't taste it. The original company went out of business years ago, but another one still makes them as part of their fairly wide honey bun selection. However, their swirls have a thicker drizzle of icing and bigger dollops of jelly between the cake swirls.  I am a little put off by the lack of a fruit listed in the ingredients.  I remember the original ones listing boysenberry as the main fruit, but the current ones don't have a single fruit on the list.  So what is the jelly made of?  Scary.  Finally there is my most favorite treat of all, the banana flip.  These were circles of yellow cake with a lightly flavored banana filling and folded over partially like a taco.  My favorite brand used a firmer filling than others, that got especially hard when refrigerated. I loved these.  Unfortunately, the company went out of business before being brought back as part of a store-brand.  While many products came back, these weren't one of them.  I tried other brands, but they weren't the same.  The cake bottom was always too brown. The cake broke completely upon folding instead of just starting to crack.  The filling was a standard creme with barely any banana flavor that wouldn't harden up in the refrigerator. These too were phased out.  Now, there might be one company that still bakes these.  I may have seen them years ago, out of town, but I don't remember trying one.  I think it was because if I liked it, I didn't want to face the fact that I might never have the chance to try it again.  I'm not even sure if the company still has them, after I did a brief internet search on them.  At least I have some products still out there, just not the best ones.

The Clothes That Made This Man

    When I did my special series earlier this year about my comic book history, I mentioned how I almost did one about my clothes history.  I didn't, because much of it would be about the same few stores, just at different locations in the chain.  However, I got to thinking about some of the clothes I actually purchased. This week, I will be going down some of my most favorite clothing choices.  Not everything is mentioned, because a lot of the things I've worn, I either don't care about or don't feel as special about.  In only a slightly particular order, here are some of my favorite outfits.

• Favorite sneakers: Two-toned black-and-white Reeboks, Sears, Huntington Mall.  For the most part, I had gotten solid color shoes.  Sure, some of the pairs I had as a kid may have had more than one color, but I generally chose black or white by the time I picked Reebok as my go-to brand.  Then, one day at this Sears, I saw this pair just sitting there.  Most of the time, athletic shoes were either solid or a mishmash of color.  These were fashion-forward, black with white trim.  And they had my size, that actually fit. Sometimes, even the right size doesn't quite fit.  I was barely looking for new shoes, but I got them anyway.  I made sure not to wear them too often and never on rainy days those first few months.  Even then, the soles started to peel off.  While I could have had someone try to repair them, my mother strongly urged me to throw them away instead, while at the same time convincing me to keep other shoes in worse shape.  Really hurt my heart.  I've since bought a new fashionable pair of tri-colored Reeboks (blue with white trim and yellow highlights), ordered from JCPenny's and not available from the Reeboks site.  They are not them same as the old ones, but they are holding up, except for the aglets on the laces.  I can't find replacement blue laces anywhere.
• Favorite jackets, tie: Blue-grey 'baseball' jacket, unknown, and color blocked silk jacket, Dawahare's, Weddington Plaza.  Back in seventh, eighth grade, my mom got me a jacket similar to what baseball players would wear with cuffs on the sleeve and trim on the waist.  Sort of like Members Only, but with snaps instead of a zipper and no chest pockets, inside or out.  I wore it all the time, into my freshman year of high school. Then, it vanished by the end of the year.  I found it again early in my sophomore year.  By then, I was a bit taller. I mostly wore it unsnapped because the top ones were tight and with the sleeves rolled up to prevent anyone noticing that the cuffs didn't hit my wrists anymore. I even wrote on the back by then.  I loved it, as it made me feel cool.  However, by my junior year, I was about a foot taller than when I first bought it. (I never had one big growth spurt during puberty, just a bunch of smaller ones spread out over the years. And yes, it was a pain always being one of the smallest boys in my class, if not the school, until my senior year.). I definitely had to stop wearing it, converting to the similar styled Members Only.  I still wear a modern knock-off of one in gray. In college, I managed to find something similar to my old jacket.  It was a silk jacket with a color block design.  Mostly black for the back, but with patches in blue, gold, and other colors.  I could only wear it during early spring, early fall, and the occasional cool summer morning, on days without rain obviously. I wore it for over fifteen years, until I accidentally tore it.  I couldn't repair it, but I still have it.  I just don't wear it.  I hate that, but it is too special to throw out like I did with the first one.
• Favorite jeans:  Purple(?!)/grey Levi's, JCPenny's, Huntington Mall.  I didn't start wearing jeans until college or so, as I really didn't have the body for it until then.  The majority were grey.  (Yes, I have bought actual blue jeans. I currently have a pair of blue 501 button-flies, but it is my only pair that is blue.) While shopping at the mall, I noticed a sale on Levi's in off-season colors, including a kind of purplish pair.  I always try on jeans when they are on sale, so I found one in my perfect size, no need to hem or anything.  It was a weird color, but I looked great in them. Since then, the purple has faded into a great shade of mostly gray.  They are my go-to jeans, especially since my backside, what little there is of it (I need to do more deadlifts that focus on my glutes.), look great in them.  Sure, I have many others in my jeans cycle, but I feel these are the best.
• Favorite dress shirt:  Striped INC, Macy's, Fayette Mall.  I was shopping with my mom, and I had to wait while she was in the restroom.  She doesn't like me wandering, so I was forced to browse nearby.  The INC department were near the restroom entrance at the time, so I was looking over the shirts when I saw this.  It was a vertical striped shirt, in brown, white, yellow, and others.  It was totally not me, but it was me at the same time.  I was rarely needing to wear a dress shirt at the time, but this one grabbed me.  It was a challenge to get my mom on board with the idea, but I bought it that day, my first new dress shirt in over a decade.  A year later, I bought a second one in blue, red, and white stripes.  That one was a little looser, and more formal looking.  I loved the first one, even though it was a tad tight.  It would get even more tight when I added a bit more upper body muscle.  Not enough to prevent me from wearing it, but enough to keep me from buttoning the top one. It didn't matter, because I would lose that top button, as well as the replacement ones.  I haven't worn any of my dress shirts since the pandemic lockdowns, but I would still like to wear this one, even if it isn't as formal as it once was.
• Favorite pullover shirt;  Color-block, striped long sleeve, JCPenny's.  It was a Friday, my freshman year of high school.  My mom had ordered me some clothes that had just arrived that day while I was at school.  I was getting ready to go to the football game that night to play with the band, but my mom thought it was too cool to wear what I wore to school that day.  She had me put on my new shirt.  It had blue-violet shoulders and chest with white sleeves and bottom, with multiple stripes between.  I remember orange and yellow, but it was not a complete rainbow.  I hated to wear it that night, but I grew to love it over the rest of the school year.  Then, that summer, my grandmother cut the sleeves off and had me wear it at home, without asking me first.  Now, I had only grown an inch or two since I first got it, and the shirt was still a little loose.  I probably could have worn it for at least a few times during the fall of my sophomore year.  It wasn't fair, as the least she could have done was ask me first.  Since then, I have almost always gotten shirts in solid colors or color-blocking, no patterns like this shirt.  Yes, there are exceptions, such as my red-orange to navy blue ombré, but these are mostly recent additions over the past few years.
• Favorite board shorts: Light blue with a special design, unknown.  This one is a little different, especially in how I got them. It was early June, my last day of high school.  It was just after graduation practice, and I asked to go with a friend to play ball with him.  I had never had done that before, since I'm horrible at basketball, but I felt that I should take a chance.  Technically, I wasn't supposed to do that, but I was eighteen and it felt right.  He drove me to his home, the only time I ever went, and we played ball with a bunch of other guys.  We then went for a brief swim.  I was wearing shorts, but not swimming trunks.  I was worried I'd get caught if I came home wet, so he gave me a pair of his shorts to change into in his room.  They were blue, with a pattern of skeletons on skateboards on them. Now, he was at least five inches taller than me, so while these shorts would have looked good on him, they went well below the knees on me.  Now, I don't know if they were old, or just something he had around that I never saw him wear before, but they were I gift I thanked him for.  Soon after, while some of the other guys were playing video games, I was driven home by another buy, again a first time event.  I was able to get my wet shorts into the dryer and switch into the pants I was supposed to have worn that day. (Yeah, I was into trouble the whole way round that day.) I only wore those shorts a few times, just around the house, as they were not my style or size.  Still, I appreciated them because of the reminder of one of the most perfect hours I had in my life of just having fun and being myself with other guys. I just wish I had been able to have had more of them, but I was kind of aloof and shy at the time, and I never did.  Today, as I'm writing this post, is that guy's birthday.  He probably won't be reading this, but I would like to thank him again for that day.  We could have, and should have, had more times like that.  If we ever see each other again, I will tell you to your face just how much you meant to me.  And Thank You for being a friend.