First off, I think I might deserve some props for combining Alice Cooper and OutKast in the title of today's post. I works, just read the post to find out. Now, the main topic. The university that I take graduate school classes at has started a multiple factor authentication protocol to allow access to various web resources that contain sensitive information, for both staff and students. Basically, if one wants to access the already password protected site, such as their school account that includes their email and online courses, they will be sent a notification to a secondary device. Once that notification has been accepted, then they will be allowed to continue onto their own personal account. My problem is that I don't own a smartphone or other device that will allow me to do this. I have never owned a smartphone, although I have looked into it and know the basics of how it works, because I haven't had the need for one. I don't have any friends to call or text. I am not allowed to go long distances on my own, so I don't need to check in about my whereabouts. Most emergencies would occur in areas that would be in fairly public spaces, so I wouldn't have a huge need to notify anyone. Anything else, I could just use my computer when I get elsewhere. However, without a phone to download the app that will handle this new rigamarole, I won't be able to access my account. Now, I wasn't planning on taking any classes this semester anyway, but I would still need to access my university email for a few things, as well as schedule any classes for after this fall. I have already asked the IT desk about possible workarounds, but none of them are guaranteed to work, as this whole process is not Apple friendly. In fact, I'm not too sure about any of their advice, as their emails have a few too many errors to give me confidence and the online instructions were cut off at the end. These facts are triggering warnings that I might be falling for a scam, even though everything seems to be legit. That being said, I've been looking into iPhones, even though I am not really in the best financial position to buy one, and it will be easier to connecting with my MacBook if I had an iPhone. My mother checked on a local place, with mixed results. Their least expensive offer involves the model that will soon be discontinued, and the salesperson didn't even seem to know the latest rumors about the new models coming out. The clerk was either inexperienced or told not to give the best information. Neither possibility is good. Because of this, there is a strong possibility that I will lose access to my account for a few weeks. The stupid thing is that I could have already finished my degree a long time ago if I only stayed the course. I took some time off to look into other programs at other places, but I was never accepted. I almost took my final courses this past spring or summer, but I wasn't too interested in any of them. I was planning on taking my exit exam this past spring, but I missed the deadline to apply because the email about the test was sent to my junk folder by mistake. Just another reason to hate anything that is not Apple. In fact, I've been thinking seriously about just dropping out entirely. I originally, and technically still do, wanted a residency MFA creative writing program, not an online basic MA English degree. I barely have enough technical knowhow to do my work. I don't have the interaction I need to give or receive feedback. For instance, last fall, I wrote a sonnet with what I felt was deep philosophical meaning. The first piece of feedback I got thought it was a nice poem to read to children before they went to bed. Now, while the two goals aren't mutually exclusive, that was not where my poem was going. I didn't read any other responses. In fact, I rarely gave any online responses to my work anything more that a casual glance. It was just too much of a hassle trying to convert formats or figure out the correct way to look at them in a timely manner. I wanted an MFA as it would allow me more flexibility in work and sooner than an MA, especially since I'm not interested in going after a doctorate. Not at my age. It took me around half my life to find a career path that would work for me. I put off getting a life and family, just so that I could find a way to make money. I though I finally found a way, but I just can't catch a break. I had a plan in college to find that path, but I was never able to carry it out. I was aimless for so many years, without anyone to help me along the way to find my path. Now that I finally found a way to combine my creative instincts with my limited life experiences outside of the academic setting, that goal just seems more out of reach. I mean, a major reason for going back to school was to interact with others in the only way I felt comfortable and knowledgable in. Instead, I'm stuck in an online world where I don't know what I'm doing, and I can't explain myself properly. I need people to talk to, not by email, message, or phone call. I need to physically talk to someone to see if I'm doing the right thing the right way. Maybe then I can start expanding my life beyond the sheltered existence I've been living, something beyond shopping and into actual interaction. Yes, it would mean that I would've wasted a lot of money and time for something that I would just give up on. Yes, it would look bad on any sort of resumé or personal history. I am at the point where I almost don't care anymore. I had been waiting for decades for the right idea and the best time, but I blew it. I'm too old know to start living my life. I wasted the best years of my life but something that never happened. I never knew what I wanted. Now that I have an idea, the barest glimmer of one anyway, I know that it will never happen. I had so much I wanted to explore, so many possibilities. All wasted. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. If I any had that one person in my life at the right time that I could've have trusted and talked to. Instead, I heeded the wrong advice and never contacted anyone who might've been the one person I needed. I like schoolwork, but not the way I've been doing it. I just want what I want. I want a life, my life.
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