Walking Tall or Being Walked All Over

About a year ago, I mentioned that I was joining my first Kickstarter campaign.  The final product was initially scheduled to be released this November, however the advance preliminary PDF copy was released to backers earlier this week.  This means that the proofed version will be out about six months sooner than predicted.  Of course, I only could fund to the PDF version level, but it is still great news.  On the other hand, it doesn't change the fact that I missed out on something else.  A few weeks ago, about the same time as my latest non-admittance to grad school, another stretch goal reward became available.  This would be the t-shirt reward.  Actually, there were multiple types of shirts as well as decals.  The reward was posted a day after the reward for another campaign for the same company was put up.  Well, I had a few reservations about the designs for both projects, but I almost positively didn't like the one for the second project.  The original product's design was one I had to think about.  I would have to pay to purchase the shirt, as well as shipping and handling.  I am an awkward size, so I don't shop for clothes online. I'm not sure about where I could send the shipment to, as I would have to schedule time to pick it up at the post office.  Anyway, I put the decision off for awhile while checking to make sure I had the money.  Anyway, I forgot about it until someone posted a pic of them receiving their shirts for both campaigns that I thought I would put my order in.  When I went to check on it, the offer had vanished.  I guess I was thinking that it was a "limited time offer at discount" for a product that would always be available for backers, instead of a "one-time-deal" that would never be seen again.  The link did say that exact thing, but I just thought it would be different somehow.  Now, I don't know what I should do.  I kind of wanted the shirt, for but so for missing out on the offer than really wanting the shirt, since such things really aren't my style.  I first though I would either post my rant in the comment section for the campaign or even email the concierge directly with threats of withdrawing my pledge or even suing them.  That would have been extreme.  I then thought of a more subtle maneuver of offering suggestions for improving the system as an indirect means of getting back in on the offer.  Either approach could make me look bad in the eyes of both the company and the other people in this community, people that could one day get me a job working there.  Still, I want to do something, even if it doesn't help get me what I might want.  It's just no longer in my nature to make waves of any sort.  When I was very young, I was so much more outgoing, but I was raised to behave or else.  I would acquiesce to others, even when I was screaming on the inside that I was making a mistake.  It is very hard for me to stand up for myself, unless I am certain I am in the right.  Usually, when certain people aren't around me to make me doubt myself. I think I have a way to at least state my feeling without coming off as an entitled brat or a manipulative wimp.  There is a very fine line here.  While I probably will never get a chance at this offer, no matter what I do, at least I can get others in this community to know about my mistake without looking like a jerk.

Me and My Memoji

 A few years ago, Apple launched a new feature for its iPhones called a Memoji.  It allowed users to create an image based on their own appearance.  That image could then be used in text messages, either on its own as a basis for an emoji image or as an animated feature to add an extra element to a message.  Since I didn't own an iPhone, or even a computer, at the time, I paid little attention to the new feature.  Fast forward to last year.  Facebook added a similar feature to its mobile app.  They called it an "avatar."  It allows a similar degree of customization, as well as the possibilities to add the image to various types of posts.  One could even argue that is had a greater range of possibilities, as Facebook allows it to be used in more ways.  Unfortunately, the feature has yet to be added to the standard Facebook account, only the mobile app.  I was again disappointed as I saw the feature spreading across my feeds.  It has since stopped being so obvious, but I still missed out on the new craze/. Then, last month, my mother received an iPhone as part of her participation on a commission.  She isn't sure why she was given one.  Even I can't see why a commissioner would need to be contacted in an emergency, but why quibble.  Anyway, she wanted me to help her learn the basics of using it, even though I have never owned a smart phone before.  I downloaded the free online manual to get the basics.  I even found some current books at the library for her to look at.  She made me read them instead, and she has yet to really read any of them.  Then, I got a really weird idea, after she sent out her first text message.  I could use her phone to text my computer, and I would include my own Memoji as part of it.  I wasn't sure how it would work, but it at least gave me an opportunity to help her.  Creating my Memoji wasn't that hard.  My first attempt on the phone wasn't too bad.  I then checked to see how I could receive a message on my computer.  No one has ever texted me, and I have no one really to text either.  That's when I noticed that my message system had an icon like the phone's.  My Mac had the same feature to create a Memoji now!  It must have been part of a system upgrade.  Not sure which one, as I never bothered checking out features that I had little use for.  Fortunately, Apple is usually consistent with its features across it various devices now.  If you are familiar with an app on one, it is about the same on another device.  I immediately started fiddling around with the feature.  The good news is that I was right about the feature being functionally the same.  The bad news was that the feature wasn't exactly the same.  On the iPhone, the Memoji menu takes up the entire bottom of the screen, with the Memoji image taking up the upper portion.  On the Mac, the image takes up about a three inch square, even when the message app takes up the entire screen.  The menu is a little less then an inch high, but the same width as the image.  I couldn't really get to the same options.  Still, I made my first Memoji and took a screenshot of it.  Here it is.  I think it was an okay match, but I can't be sure it was a close match to my try on the iPhone.  I then went back to the phone, and I made notes about exactly which features I added to my Memoji, so I could make sure it was a close to the same as possible.  The second picture, which is a sticker version of my Memoji.  I tried to change the color of the shirt, but I can't figure out how yet.  Still, I now have my own Memoji.  Not sure where and how I'll be using it, but it exists.  I will change it a little, once I get a better hang on the features, but I have one.

Dejected

It has taken me over thirty years, but I finally came up with the perfect career path for me, about four or five years ago.  I would get a Masters degree so I could teach at the university level, giving me the support I needed so I could write professionally without financial worries.  The first time I applied to the University of Kentucky's Graduate School creative writing program, I wasn't accepted.  I tried again, but I was bound to do better and get the application in early.  I started writing a new short story submission, although it took me a few tries to come up with an idea. (I posted it on my literary blog here last week.)  I re-worked my statement of purpose to get more precise in my desires.  My biggest problem, though, was coming up with new recommendations.  I wanted different ones from the last time, ones who could better target my desires for the future, as opposed to resumé references from the previous time.  It was taking me longer to find them than I was planning on, months longer in fact.  I was able to edit my writing sample and statement to exactly what I wanted, but I couldn't find any new recommendations unless I called in some very big favors that had low chances of coming through.  With only a few days to go, I decided to go with my original recommendations.  However, I couldn't reach one of them, no matter how hard I tried.  On the day before the deadline, I managed to find a replacement.  I rushed through filling out a new online application, but I had to skip some of the optional forms.  Even after I applied, my recommendations had trouble with the links to submit.  One might have even had to go through with an alternate system because of some eye problems.  Anyway, the minimum had gone through, and I waited for the results.  I wasn't accepted.  The email and the note on my online form said that I didn't make it through at least partially because of the record number of applications.  I'm not sure if my late submission was a factor, as I think that the applications are approved in the order they are received, but I could be wrong.  Now, I don't know what I should do.  This program was the perfect fit for my future plans.  First, it is an MFA program which is a terminal degree.  I think this would allow me to teach immediately, as opposed to the mainstream MA English program that I had been taking online before I started a two-year pause.  I think I would need a doctorate first if I continue on this route, and I don't think that I have the extra time at my age to wait so long to follow my dreams.  I'm not sure I would want a PhD anyway.  Second, it is a full residency program taught on campus.  I have led a very sheltered life, barely being able to do much more than schoolwork or shopping.  I was hoping that by going back to school, I could use that as a means to finally get back into life and learn the ins and outs of socializing that I am so lacking in.  Online programs just can't provide this need.  Furthermore, I don't have that many computer skills or technical savvy.  I made so many mistakes when I took my online classes, I am amazed I was able to do so well as I did.  Also, I feel that creative writing needs face-to-face feedback to fully work.  Just posting work and trying to respond without the instant back and forth, doesn't work with me.  I barely looked at the responses I got when I took one online writing class.  The problem was equal parts technical issues and lack of connection with the other people.  Finally, the program is in state.  As I just mentioned, I have not had much experience in life.  I am not sure if I could took moving to another state for the first time without suffering from panic attacks and paralysis.  It would be too much for me.  At least I know Lexington somewhat.  The change wouldn't be as great and probably something I could handle.  Again, I don't think I could afford moving that great a distance, even if it was to a nearby state.  There is a chance I would have to live in a dorm, at my age, until I could find a place I could afford.  Even if I got into this program.  I deserve a chance to live the life I want, exactly the way I want it.  As I just mentioned, I am getting old, almost to the point where I won't be able to do anything that I have been waiting my whole life for.  I know I shouldn't have waited so long to find my goals.  I took advice that I knew was wrong for me, leading me away from where I could have gone.  Such experience led me to miss other opportunities because I was leery of making more mistakes.  I now know exactly what I want and what is best for me, I just have no idea how to get there any more.

Group Self-Destruct Sequence Activated

When I first joined Facebook, I didn't look for many friends.  In fact, my newsfeed would've been mostly empty, if it wasn't for the fact that I somehow became part of some groups.  I don't remember how I actively joined them, or when, but I was part of something.  Although I now have a fairly substantial friend list, some days it seems that I get more posts from these groups than some of my friends.  I have yet to post anything to these groups, but I have commented on many posts, even offering my own opinions and help beyond a regular comment.  I have gotten quite a few responses and likes and such as well.  However, something went down this past Monday that almost caused the group to break up.  That afternoon, one of the more prominent moderators posted that the group was falling apart, and they managed to post some of the behind-the-scenes details before the situation escalated.  Apparently, one moderator decided to add some questions for new members to be asked before being allowed to join the private group.  (How I got into a private group without even realizing it, I don't know.)  Anyway, another moderator took the questions down, partially because they might not have been explicitly relevant to the group.  The questions were added to help weed out those whose views did not sit too well with one, or perhaps more, of the moderators, even thought the group's rules prohibited the expression of such views, when done in a hateful or deliberate manner.  The founding administrator of the group didn't like this.  They first demoted some of the moderators to regular members, and later removed them from the group.  The demoted members posted their evidence of what was happening, both on the original page and then on a partner page for a different group, whose membership partially overlapped.  The founder of the first group began to kick other members out, mostly newer one.  The original kicked moderators then started a competing group with a similar interest for those kicked out.  I was watching the competing views fight on the sidelines, without doing anything.  Primarily, it was because my wifi was failing me.  My store shares a wifi connection with another.  Many afternoons, the connection gets so bad that I can barely do anything online.  This Monday was one of the worst occasions.  Usually, I have a slight delay in posting  with some games being impossible to download.  That afternoon, I wasn't even able to get more than a post or two before facing delays.  Commenting would have been impossible.  Then again, I didn't want to get kicked out of whatever group was left standing after the dust settled. If I said the wrong thing, I may have been kicked out of one group or prevented from joining the other.  Remember, the initial group was private.  I wouldn't have been able to see their posts.  Some of the information that gets posted was the main reason why I liked the group.  At the time, it was the only way to get that info.  Now, I might have other avenues, but this group is still a major source.  Finally, I wasn't sure which side I was on.  Yes, one side did have the higher moral ground, but both used tactics that I considered a little underhanded.  In fact, I was leaning slightly more to the page's founder, regardless of who may have been actually more "right."  At the time, I couldn't be sure who was who, as many of those involved used handles while some of the background messages used real names.  I  wasn't able to keep the sides straight.  I ultimately just logged off and put my computer away for the last hour of the workday.  By the time I was able to log back in, hours later, the situation had been resolved.  The page founder had been "let go" from the group by the dint of some of the remaining administrators.  Kicked members were allowed to return, although the second group and its page remained.  Ideas were being raised about what to do with this second group, which I have yet to look into.  From what I can tell, I was never kicked out of the group, even though I may have been one of those who joined after the date where others were being kicked out for arbitrary reasons.  Much of what happened is still beyond me, but I'm glad I didn't say anything there.  I'm normally non-confrontational, but when I get involved in something of this nature, I can go all out.  I've been commenting as I have before, without problems.  Still, I will be looking out if things start to heat up again.