My Fall of Discontent

 After a long time of thinking, I have decided not to take any classes this fall.  I am still second-guessing myself, but I think I am making the right decision, even with the many reasons why I should.  Money is actually a minor reason.  I could find a way to pay for it, if just barely.  A major reason is the classes themselves.  There aren't any classes I really want to take, as I am finding faults with them all.  There are five classes being offered this fall, plus a sixth one that I have already taken.  First, there is Psycholinguistics.  This class is so outside of my path that I wasn't even halfway considering to take it.  Next, there was Literary Theory.  One of the books is available from my book store's regular distributor, but it is currently out of stock.  This means that I would have to go through the college book store to purchase it, as a digital download rental.  I know about downloading books, but I have no idea how a rental would work, not to mention how much room such a book would take up on my computer.  The other book is only available in a shorter, newer edition forth same distributor, meaning going through the university for that one as well, for about the same price.  Also, one of the projects for the class is creating a website, or at least a page, dedicated to a school of literary thought.  Call me "old school," but I don't feel that is a way to learn.  At least for me.  I have floundered in similar online projects before, barely doing the minimum to get a good grade.  I have had trouble simply chatting and doing online tests.  Give me basic reports any day.  The next course is on Chaucer.  Again, most of the texts are online rentals.  While I could find similar physical books, I don't want to get lost by using a different version.  I've had that problem before.  Also, I am not too thrilled with reading Middle English, even with my flair for languages.  Then there is Eighteenth Century British Literature (not the complete title for the course, but close enough for you to know what I'm talking about). As of this morning, no materials have been listed for the class.  While I could make an educated guess about what authors and works would be covered, I would not be able to get the books before class started,  even if they were downloads, which I would not want to do.  Forgive me, but I don't want to start class that unprepared.  That left Advanced Poetry Writing.  With me included, there would be three people in the class.  I am not sure a workshop style class like this could work that well with so few people.  Again, the textbook for the class was out of stock at my distributor, meaning I would need the university store to purchase it.  Furthermore, the class is being taught by a professor I had before for fiction writing.  His hands-off style was a little off-putting for that class.  He didn't post any assignments or feedback for over a month in the middle of the term.  Many students were left wondering about what to do.  It also meant a very rushed flurry of activity to get everything done during the last few weeks of class.  Add to this the fact that poetry is not my strong suit, and everything just clicked into place.  I didn't find any classes that were working for me.  I am still doubting my decision.  If I take just one more class, I might be eligible to teach on a collegiate level, but I would have to confirm that.  The thing is, I would need to take at least two classes this fall to be eligible to take the exit exam next spring, and that is with taking an extra course in December, so I could graduate by next summer and before the possibility of going to the University of Kentucky in the fall to get the degree I have been hoping for.  I feel guilty for not doing more right now, but things aren't lining up the way I would prefer them.  I know it sounds selfish, but it is just the way I am.  I will have to take at least one course in the spring to stay enrolled, as a fallback if I don't get into UK, again.  It just feels so hopeless acknowledging it, knowing that I might be wasting so much time and money, for something I wasn't planning on doing or using.