Well, That Was a Kickstarter in the Pants

I am still getting used to a life online.  One of these things are funding campaigns, such as those on Kickstarter.  Of course, I had heard about it for some time before I got my own computer.  I had even tried to look into it as a way to help keep the store going.  Unfortunately, I never really got around to explore the whole idea.  It was just too complex for me, especially since I didn't have a computer yet. I would hear about success stories from the news, but I never got around to figuring out how such things worked.  Then, last month, a company I liked, well, love, started a campaign to help publish a book to be sold in stores, instead of just as a digital download (PDF) or as a print on demand book (POD).  I had seen their promotions before, but I had never been as interested in the subject as I was with this one.  I wanted to be a part of it, especially with the additional perks I could get.  I would be privy to the early drafts of the book, which was already mostly done.  I could get a copy, the PDF at least, way earlier then I could get it otherwise.  This would include any bonus material that would be added if the campaign was successful.  As soon as the campaign went live, I started following it.  I wanted to see how things went before committing anything of my own to it.  The project reached 100% within one day.  Therefore, stretch goals were being added.  With each goal reached, I began to wonder when I should try to add my own to the project.  I needed to wait until I could add more to my credit card.  While I waited, early backers got to see the previews.  I was missing out, but I still had to wait.  Soon, the project reached over 300% of what was needed.  Still, I waited.  I wanted to make sure I had more than enough money, as well as deciding on the right tier for me.  I kept seeing basic previews, nice, but nothing compared to what the backers had gotten.  Finally, with a day left on the campaign, I made the decision to add my money to the project.  I was a bit busy though, so I had to wait a bit longer to check in.  I was so busy, that there was only a few minutes left.  The project had climbed above 400%.  The manager was running out of stretch goals to add.  With hardly any time left, I clicked on the button for the tier I wanted.  Not too high, as I would basically be getting the PDF version early and the opportunity to help look over the manuscript for errors or the need for extra material.  Not that great, but still a great boon for me, as this could be a way I could get noticed, as this would be great way for me to get into getting freelance work.  I have had these pipe dreams for doing this kind of work almost from the time I discovered this company.  I just never felt comfortable enough to find a way in.  This could be great.  So, I clicked the button, and I was instructed to start an account for Kickstarter.  For some reason, it never occurred to me that I would need to start an account.  I know, my naiveté was showing again.  By now, I had barely five minutes to do anything.  I panicked.  I had no way to know how much information was needed, or if I even had that information with me.  Also, I was wary about starting a new account with yet another website, one that I might not be using again, at least any time soon.  I closed out the site without pledging.  I had my doubts.  I went back to the site again.  They were counting down the time in seconds.  I left the site again before it went down to under a minute.  I admit, I chickened out.  I knew it would have been the right decision to try and pledge, but I had doubts.  On the plus side, I saved some money.  On the down side, I don't get to do something I really love.  I will have to wait until sometime next year to get my copy of the book, at about twice the amount I would have pledged for the PDF to get the hardcover, if it does come out to stores as announced.  By that time, I probably won't have my store any more, so it will be a lot harder to find it.  I don't know if I will have an easy way to get the bonus materials either, or even if I can get access to them.  There will be a period starting next month for others to join in and for original backers to make changes to their pledges, but I don't know if I would be able to get any of those perks that originally drew me in anyway.  For decades, yes that long, I have been looking for a way to maybe get into this line of work, but I had never felt that I knew the correct way to do so.  This project might have been a work around.  Now, I will just have to wait and see.  I should have trusted my gut and went through with the a soon as I could have and not listen to my self-doubt.  I used to be more daring, especially when I was younger, but doubt has so creeped into my soul that I rarely do anything without overthinking.  I have missed out on so much because I don't push myself.  I don't trust myself. I don't love myself enough to get what I want.  Not always, mind you, but often enough to feel miserable about everything.  I try, but I need confidence again. I need more.  I just not sure what.