Yet Another Sleepless Night

This past weekend I accomplished something kind of great for me.  I solved the Saturday crossword puzzle in twenty-three minutes, and I only had to look up one answer.  I actually had thought I had known the answer earlier, but I had forgotten it by time time I came back to that section.  By comparison, it took me well over thirty minutes to solve the Sudoku, well beyond my normal time limit.  This achievement was all the way greater because I had done it with barely three hours sleep the night before.  I had awoken at 3:00 am or so, and I could not get back to sleep.  I just laid in bed, thinking and trying to go back to sleep.  I have had bouts of insomnia all my life, but usually I have trouble falling asleep.  Lately, I have been waking up in the middle of the night and not falling back to sleep.  Back in high school, a friend mentioned to me some of the ways he used to help fall asleep, one in particular that he used quite frequently apparently.  Unfortunately for me, his technique never seemed to work as well for me, only about ⅓ of the time, and even then it seems to take an hour before I fall asleep.  Thanks Rob.  Anyway, I didn't try anything that night and I just kept thinking.  I have been doing that a lot lately, thinking about my future plans and how they tie into things that happened in the past.  I keep going over every mistake and misstep, every wrong decision that I have made.  Each time I waited too long, only to have the opportunity leave before I could take it.  Each time I chose not to speak up when others were making decisions for me, only for them to turn out wrong like I knew they would.  So many regrets, and I have such a hard time getting over them.  Yet, I have remembered other times, times where I followed my instincts even when logic showed otherwise.  Every time I pursued random encounters, lucky breaks, and pure coincidence, I have been rewarded.  For instance, I was going over the possible mutual friends suggestions on Facebook a month or so ago.  There was a name I didn't expect to be there of someone I knew.  I would never have found him otherwise, because he listed under his nickname.  I send the request; he accepted.  He was the first friend to send me a message first, without prompting.  He's been the one I have been chatting the most with ever since.  In one random message, he mentioned something that got me thinking about some of the ways my life has detoured, and now I have been determining how to best get back on track.  I hadn't realized how far I had detoured from dreams if not for his advice.  Now, I think constantly about how to achieve my goals again.  I have been so hung up on the past for so long, that I forgot the future.  I still need to get over my two biggest hang-ups from the past, and my next few posts will help me air out these issues.  I feel the need to reveal why I have fallen so far behind myself, before I can move forward again.  These next few weeks will go way off topic, but it is my right to do so.  Just try and stay along for the ride.  And thanks again Rob, this time without any lick of the sarcasm of before.