I Don't Have Issues, and That's a Problem

     So, I'm facing another round of problems involving magazines. Just last month, my scheduled issue of GAMES World of Puzzles didn't arrive on time.  In fact, I still haven't received it.  When I contacted the publisher about it, I was told that, due to problems in the disbursement center, it would take four to six weeks for the replacement issue to arrive.  I was fortunate enough to find a copy on the newsstand when I went out of town the week it came out, or I would never have gotten the issue in a timely manner.  This is includes solving and entering the contest.  For some strange reason, no local newsstands carry GAMES any more.  Yes, it is a very niche magazine, but it was somewhat widespread years ago.  Well, I'm facing a similar problem now, as the current issue has yet to arrive, and the new one was supposed to hit newsstands this week.  I usually got the magazine around two weeks early, so I am getting ready to contact the publisher again.  However, I am waiting until the magazine's website updates, just to make sure that there is a new issue.  It could have been cancelled. That's happening to too many magazines these days.  Just this past week, the final print issue of Entertainment Weekly came out.  I had subscribed to that magazine for twenty-nine years, until I finally stopped last year.  The last time I renewed my subscription was just before the magazine went from a "weekly" that actually only came out every two to three weeks, to a true monthly, but without changed its name.  So, my one-year subscription turned into a two-year subscription.  That is when the rag went downhill for me.  Even before the pandemic through schedules off, so many reviews and articles were no longer timely enough to be fully enjoyable.  The focus shifted from all forms of entertainment with the most popular being the highlight, to the more artsy and "deserving" of merit with the most popular works relegated to the articles or sidebars.  For much of the last year of my subscription, I didn't get a single review or article of a work I truly was interested in.  I even skimmed/skipped many articles, something I had rarely done in the entire two decades previous.  I used to read everything to be well-rounded. By the end, I just wanted to finish the stupid thing.  I actually had the opportunity to get a super discounted rate subscription (as well as a free issue) a few months after the old one expired.  I'm glad I didn't take the offer, as I would have only gotten a few issues before the mag folded, and I doubt I would have liked any of the other mags that the publisher would have replaced it with, if any.  Most likely People.  It still exists online, with some of the information it used to publish years ago, but I still would prefer a fairly current print version.  All of this comes on the heels of me ending my run on Men's Health.  It had just gotten too expensive to get an issue ten times a year, when to many of the non-fitness related articles stopped catering to my likes. I guess it still is an okay magazine, but it is nowhere as good as it was when I started collecting it back in the 90s.  For a final magazine insult, the latest issue of TV Guide is late again.  For some reason, newsstands locally receive it about three to five days later than it goes on sale in most other places.  At least on location had it up a week late, after about half the programs listed had already been on.  I could be getting it later on today, but there is still doubt with that.

Return of Match What Happens Live

     Last week, I posted a puzzle based on parodies of television series titles.  Specifically, by changing one letter in the title.  This week, I have another puzzle based on the same premise, but with a twist.  Instead of changing a letter, I will be adding (+) or deleting (-) a letter, and marking them appropriately. As an additional hint, I will be including a performer from the original series as a hint.  For example, for the clue "Tampa Bay QB shows off his pre-game ritual of having a mid-morning repast with his family (+). Florence Henderson," the plus sign means you add a letter to the Henderson sitcom The Brady Bunch to get the parody title The Brady Brunch. Each of the clues below is based off of a series that has had new episodes within the past year.  As always, the Answers will be at the bottom of the page.  Just keep on scrolling to get there.

1. An abandoned Russian space capsule crashes into the field of a down-on-his-luck farmer who promptly declares it to be the center of a new town designed to bring in government funds and tourist money (+). Ted Danson
2. In an untold tale from "The Arabian Nights," Sinbad the Sailor discovers a giant egg and decides to raise the bird the hatches from it (-). Dwayne Johnson
3. Scientists rush to rescue a group of whales that have somehow migrated to the southwestern side of Lake Michigan (+).  Jesse Lee Sofer
4. Calligraphers discuss the best and worst materials for the use in their work (-). Jane Lynch
5. Recovering alcoholics relate how drinking has effected their bodies over the years (+). Deidre Hall
6. Emcees reminisce about the craziest moments they experienced on their game shows (-). Rose McIver
7. A documentary set at a wrestling academy where future rumblers learn how to perform the perfect takedown move (+). Jason Isaacs
8. Health and exercise show where men learn how to lose their 'dad bods' and get the perfect six pack, and love themselves again (+). Annaleigh Ashford
9. Instructional programming teaching students the best techniques to pass collegiate entrance examinations (-). Shamar Moore
10. Pageant exclusively tailored for the prettiest of senior citizens (-).  Katherine Kelly Lang
11. Grab a hornpipe for you are about to learn the jig from actual sailors (-). Tyra Banks
12. Drama set in a primary school for the future heads of monasteries (-). Quinta Bunsen
13. Medical scientists discover a new cholesterol drug after failing a dozen-and-a-half times, but they are worried about possible side effects (-). Jason George
14. Prisoners on a boat cope with incarceration by painting the ceilings of their cells a light blue (+). Katheryn Winnick
15. Due to the loss of the ozone layer, great whites are slowly turning a shade of light brown to deal with the extremes of solar radiation (-). Mark Cuban
16. A man develops the talent to just look at a person and discover their addictions and minor sins, all in the effort to turn them to the pass of virtue (-). Ken Jeong
17. Blooper clip show where the worse first responders foul-ups are seen (-). Rob Lowe
18. Female tour guide at the Tower of Pisa starts to develop back issues, similar to those of the landmark itself (-). Oliver Hudson
19. A young woman is forced to stay in a filled tub for most of the day to deal with her skin condition (+). Javicia Leslie
20. A cosmetician tries to remove a hair from the eye of her client, on a regular basis (-). Grant Justin
21. A town decides to start selling the 'water' from the local spring, once it is discovered that it is actually mildly alcoholic (-). Cole Sprouse
22. An extraterrestrial masquerading aa a human somehow gets elected to be the head of the United States government (+). Alan Tudyk
23. Now, you too can learn magic the Harry Potter way, and with the proper equipment (+). Sarah Jessica Parker
24. The true-life story of a legendary boxing promoter, who always managed to get the best title matches lined up (+). Caitriona Balfe
25. Controversy at the rabbit jumping competition, as some of the bunnies have been given caffeine as a stimulant (-). Ted Allen

ANSWERS

1. MIR Mayor/Mr. Mayor
2. Young Roc/Young Rock
3. Chicago Pod/Chicago PD
4. The Weakest Ink/The Weakest Link
5. Days of Our Livers/Day of Our Lives
6. Hosts/Ghosts
7. Good Slam/Good Sam
8. Ab Positive/B Positive
9. SAT/S.W.A.T.
10. The Old and the Beautiful/The Bold and the Beautiful
11. Dancing with the Tars/Dancing with the Stars
12. Abbot Elementary/Abbott Elementary
13. Statin 19/Station 19
14. Brig Sky/Big Sky
15. Shark Tan/Shark Tank
16. I Can See Your Vice/I Can See Your Voice
17. 911: One Star/911: Lone Star
18. The Leaning Lady/The Cleaning Lady
19. Bathwoman/Batwoman
20. The Lash/The Flash
21. Riverale/Riverdale
22. President Alien/Resident Alien
23. Wand Just Like That/And Just Like That
24. Boutlander/Outlander
25. Hopped/Chopped

Match What Happens Live

     For awhile now, I have been corralled into watching videos of movies or songs with either a letter changed, deleted, or added; and how the basic premise of the original was changed for a comic effect.  There was even a recent puzzle in one of my magazines that did something similar with movie titles.  Well, here is my version of that puzzle based on television series.  Below are synopses of various series, but with one letter changed.  Your job is to guess the parade title as well as the original show.  As a hint, I have included an actor from the show.  For example, if you have "Lower titled woman corners the market on chairs for royalty throughout the realms. (Peter Dinklage)" Your answer would be A Dame of Thrones based on the actual series A Game of Thrones which did star Peter Dinklage.  Each of the answers will be a current series that has had new episodes within the past year.  Scroll to the bottom to see the answers.

1.  A bumbling delivery service can't seem to stack packages in the correct orientation.  (Mandy Moore)
2. Workplace drama about inventory managers at a LEGO factory. (James Spader)
3. A instructional show about a dog obedience school that focuses on retrievers. (Sam Waterston)
4. Northern Illinois business decides to switch over from general rubber products to automobile wheel service. (Jesse Spencer)
5. Anthology series following people on first dates over a weekend evening. (Cecily Strong)
6. A comedy about a therapy group for people who are depressed from over-lightening their hair color. (Tom Selleck)
7. A cooking show about all of the great benefits of a grain from Southeast Asia. (Phil Keoghan)
8. French Canadian series about local hot spots in Quebec. (Wilmer Valderrama) 
9. Documentary about the ornamental decorations on kimono sashes. (Missy Peregrym)
10. The controversial life story of the man who invented the telephone. (Micheal Weatherly)
11. Instructional series from a hunter teaching people about the weak spots on animals as well as the best ways to butcher their catch. (Ellen Pompeo)
12. Blue, furry Muppet leaves Sesame Street to travel the world in search of the perfect baked dessert item. (Nathan Fillion)
13. Family drama set on a beachside inn, but the local lake is slowly turning stagnant due to agricultural runoff. (Traci Ellis Ross)
14. Animated superhero show about ursine with magical powers. (Dulé Hill)
15. Mix-up at a doll factory creates too many of the wrong type of swimsuit, not appropriate for Barbies. (David Giuntoli)
16. A tree surgeon and topiarist helps people with their landscaping problems ( Freddie Highmore)
17. Vocalists are forced to do menial labor for a chance to perform onstage. (Nick Cannon)
18. Kids are ashamed at the bulk purchases their parents keep making. (Seth MacFarlane)
19. Western about the famous gunslinger Carson as he travels Nevada. (Mayim Bialik)
20. The Daily Planet transfers Clark Kent to their Honolulu office and culture shock ensues (Elizabeth Tulloch)
21. Young Englishman goes to Hollywood to get a job in the entertainment industry, only to find out it is for an adult film studio. (Jared Padalecki)
22. A crew sail around the world searching for previously unseen islands (Rupert Evans)
23. Drama based on the road rage experiences from a traffic jam caused by wrongly placed road construction signs. (Wayne Brady)
24. Bubblegum enthusiasts search the world over for the best new products. (Padma Lakshmi)
25. Infomercial on Apple's latest product, a home perm kit that doesn't use harsh chemicals. (Miranda Cosgrove)

ANSWERS

1. This Is Up (This Is Us)
2. The Blocklist (The Blacklist)
3. Lab and Order (Law and Order)
4. Chicago Tire (Chicago Fire)
5. Saturday Night Love (Saturday Night Live)
6. Blue Blonds (Blue Bloods)
7. The Amazing Rice (The Amazing Race)
8. Icis (NCIS)
9. Obi (FBI)
10. Bell (Bull)
11. Prey's Anatomy (Grey's Anatomy)
12. The Cookie (The Rookie)
13. brack-ish (black-ish)
14. The Wonder Bears (The Wonder Years)
15. A Million Little Thongs (A Million Little Things)
16. The Wood Doctor (The Good Doctor) [I almost went the pharmaceutical men's health route, but thought it best not.]
17. The Tasked Singer (The Masked Singer)
18. Family Buy (Family Guy)
19. Call Me Kit (Call Me Kat)
20. Superman and Leis (Superman and Lois)
21. (Walker) [just change the 'l' to 'n' to get the parody title, as I'm not sure it is allowed here.]
22. Charted (Charmed)
23. Whose Lane Is It Anyway? (Whose Line Is It Anyway?)
24. Top Chew (Top Chef)
25. iCurly (iCarly)

Emoji Song Titles, 2021 Edition

    So, this time around, the puzzle is based on emojis.  Below are a group of song titles translated, as best I can, into emojis.  Each one was a song that was popular in 2021.  Just like last week's puzzle, I had a hard time creating this.  There just wasn't enough emojis I could find that would work with the titles.  Some emojis that I have used before seemed to be missing.  I am trying to work back and forth with what's available on my Mac and what is here on Blogger.  Between the two, I hope I can make this work.  Scroll down to find the answers.

1.  🍃🚪📂

 2. 🍑🍑🍑

3.🧈

4.🔥🌊🌊🌊

5. 👨‍🚀⬇️🌊

6.🏭👶

7.⬆️

8.✝️😇

9.⬅️📥🩸

10.🛣🛣🛣

11.🏃‍♂️⭐️

12.😭👶

13.🔪🗣

14.🪦

15.🔒👉😢😢

ANSWERS

1. "Leave the Door Open"

2. "Peaches"

3. "Butter"

4. "Heat Waves"

5. "Astronaut in the Ocean"

6. "Industry Baby"

7. "UP"

8. "Holy"

9. "Back in Blood"

10.  "Streets"

11.  "Trackstar"

12. "Cry Baby"

13. "Knife Talk"

14. "Tombstone"

15. "Save Your Tears"

 

Name That Song in as Many Words as Possible, 2021 Edition

    Well, it's time for this year's round of music puzzles.  I used to to the same with other forms of entertainment media, but with the way movies and television shows are being released (as well as the loss of one of my major sources for information, Entertainment Weekly), I just can't do as many puzzles as when I first started out.  I still do music title puzzles without fail.  This is how the puzzle works.  I have reworded the titles for some of last year's biggest songs.  Your job is to guess what the original song title was.  For example, if I gave you "Vision Impairing Sources of Illumination," your answer would be 2020's number one song "Blinding Lights" by The Weeknd.  It was also last year's number three song.  In fact, there were many songs that appear on both years' lists.  I've tried to limit myself to only those songs that made the list for 2021, but a song or two may slip through.  This year, I've had to deal with multiple single -word titles (including a two-letter preposition), phonetic spellings of slurred words, and titles in languages other than English.  I've tried to do my best.  Answers appear way below.  Just keep scrolling.

1. "Hovering over a Surface without Visible Means of Support or Empowerment"
2. "Osculate This Person a Multitude of Additional Times"
3. "Permit to Operate Motor Vehicles"
4. "Continue to Let That Portal to Remain Unclosed"
5. "Remain in This State and/or Location"
6. "Terrible Repetitive Actions"
7. "Periods of Abnormal High Temperatures"
8. "In the Case of an Absence of That Person"
9. "Space Traveller Constrained Via a Large Body of Saline Water"
10. "This Person's Former Lover's Foremost Companion"
11. "Ergo, This Person Exists"
12. "In the Direction Oppositional to Earth's Gravity or Towards to Top of Some Object"
13. "Extremely Gorgeous Similarity"
14. "Very Pretty Errors"
15. "That Person Fractured This One Beforehand"
16. "That Person Is Entirely Correct"
17. "Onomatopoeia for Explosive Noise"
18. "Pleading' Desperately"
19. "Male Royalty with Either Female Consorts or Equally Royal Women"
20. "Place Known for Playing Electronic Games"
21. "Small Bladed Weapon Speech"
22. "Receive This One's Exhalation"
23. "The Two of Us Can Be Considered in a State of Comparable Wellness"
24. "In a More Blissful State over Previous Conditions"
25. "Overall Physique"

ANSWERS

1. "Levitating" by Due Lipa
2. "Kiss Me More" by Doja Cat with SZA
3. "driver's license" by Olivia Rodrigo
4. "Leave the Door Open" by Silk Sonic, Bruno Mars and Anderson Pak.
5. "Stay" by The Kid Laroi and Justin Beiber
6. "Bad Habits" by Ed Sheeran
7. "Heat Wave" by Glass Animals
8. "Without You" by The Kid Laroi
9. "Astronaut in the Ocean" by Masked Wolf
10. "My Ex's Best Friend" by MGK and blackbear
11. "Therefore I Am" by Billie Eilish
12. "Up" by Cardi B
13. "Fancy Like" by Walker Hayes
14. "Beautiful Mistakes" by Maroon 5 and Magan Thee Stallion
15. "You Broke Me First" by Tate McRae
16. "You Right" by Doja Cat and The Weeknd
17. "Bang!" by AJR
18. "Beggin'" by Måneskin
19. "Kings & Queens" by Ava May
20. "Arcade" by Duncan Laurence
21. "Knife Talks" by Drake
22. "Take My Breath" by The Weeknd
23. "We're Good" by Due Lipa
24. "Happier Than Ever" by Billie Eilish
25. "Body" by Megan Thee Stallion